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a day at the beach
Contributed by
MyNameIsFred
on
Saturday, 4th November 2006 @ 04:23:51 PM in AEST
Topic:
oops
|
I am a bright little boy with a mind of a beach ball. I walk the beach with a smile on my face and I eat my ice cream and play with my friends. But its dark out time to go home. I will see you again tomorrow beach I will sink my toes in your sand and I swim in your warm water once again good by beach I will see you again another day.
Copyright ©
MyNameIsFred
... [
2006-11-04 16:23:51]
(Date/Time posted on
site)
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Re: a day at the beach
(User Rating: 1 )
by ravensofthedark on
Saturday, 4th November 2006 @ 10:08:37 PM AEST
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Info | Send
a Message)
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im sorry but i can't lie, bud, u know who u are, but that was pretty bad, no offence, this isn't the kind of poem to post on this kinda website lliw seriously, nothing happy is supposed to be here, unless you are having a joyous life which others (not me) want to live in.
P.S try and work on it please
until next time
~ The Raven |
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Re: a day at the beach
(User Rating: 1 )
by Former_Member on
Monday, 6th November 2006 @ 10:32:10 PM AEST
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a Message)
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| it paints a cute picture..but it would be better for a story thena poem.....add more and make it into a story..it just doesnt have teh flow of a poem or the emotion |
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