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This City
Contributed by
matt73
on
Friday, 27th October 2006 @ 01:50:51 AM in AEST
Topic:
Lifepoems
|
This is the city where
I found,
the fixity of
synthesis.
These are the streets
that pace,
famed the course
of imminence.
This is the city where
I lost,
the tangibility
of surface...
...This is the city where
I am to be found,
and found to be
lost.
Copyright ©
matt73
... [
2006-10-27 01:50:51]
(Date/Time posted on
site)
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Re: This City
(User Rating: 1 )
by Fionndruinne on
Friday, 27th October 2006 @ 03:30:41 AM AEST
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Info | Send
a Message)
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Interesting work! I rather like it; a good sound is orchestrated, plus the wording is spare, not overdone.
One wee bone to pick, stanza three's second line ends with a comma which is not grammatical, as the next lines continue straight on without really calling for a pause. It seems you've used it more for the "sound effect", but for this purpose line breaks would serve better. Just a minor point, but while I prefer poetry to be punctuated, I don't like seeing any more of it than absolutely needbe. Enough pedantry, though. Keep up the good work.
Andrew |
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Re: This City
(User Rating: 1 )
by Caged Soul on
Friday, 27th October 2006 @ 06:50:31 AM AEST
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a Message)
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I loved reading this out loud, especially the line This is the city where I found,the fixity of synthesis i like the way it rolled over my tongue.
As for the actual poem, I think its cery unconventional in concept, which I like, it's also open to different interpretations.
Nice one!
Ash~ |
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