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Destiny
Contributed by
Hoshi
on
Friday, 20th October 2006 @ 08:35:41 PM in AEST
Topic:
Grief
|
I walk this line
waiting it's end
I felt this way
When I lost a friend
One by one they perish
I fear for all my friends
Each and everyday I wonder
When this horror will end
I'm not mean
I'm a realist
Stay away from me
This I must insist
I fear for my friends
They perish one by one
But most of all I fear
For my unborn Daughter or son
I look into my friends eyes
And implore them to understand
I have no choice who dies
or drops where they stand
So I wait and watch
And hope they'll see
This isn't my choise
...It's destiny
Copyright ©
Hoshi
... [
2006-10-20 20:35:41]
(Date/Time posted on
site)
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Re: Destiny
(User Rating: 1 )
by girish on
Saturday, 21st October 2006 @ 11:16:01 AM AEST
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a Message)
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do not worry. read my poems "One God","Have an insight","Possibility comes from impossibility","You are the way you look" expecially "Gayatri Mantra" they give you the way for a peceful life.
girish |
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Re: Destiny
(User Rating: 1 )
by Fionndruinne on
Saturday, 21st October 2006 @ 02:04:44 PM AEST
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Not at all bad work here. The poem is strong, and closes strong. I do thing it would be helped by some punctuation - generally punctuated poems flow better off the page, even if words only seems "purer". There's overdoing punctuation, though, which is worse than none at all.
Keep writing, and read as much poetry as you can as well. I'd suggest the work of Irish poet Seamus Heaney, also Christopher Merrill ("Brilliant Water" or "Watch Fire") and Billy Collins. Check your library, each of these poets has something to teach.
Cheers.
Andrew |
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Re: Destiny
(User Rating: 1 )
by Former_Member on
Thursday, 15th February 2007 @ 09:28:07 AM AEST
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I know how you feel but I sm trying to push my friends away for no good reason except to punish and hurt myself deeply because i failed them on so many occaissons. This is an awesome write!
darkpoetress |
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