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A CHIRPING BIRD
Contributed by
Farhan
on
Friday, 20th October 2006 @ 06:11:07 AM in AEST
Topic:
dedicatedpoems
|
There was a swarm of birds
who were gatherd near by the
lake,
It makes the wonderful scene
to watch all the beautiful Birds,
The way they were chirping
and gatherd !
In short span of time a bird
came out along with her
melodious ,
This chirping bird had broken
all the silence by her beautiful
voice ,
Mean while rest swarm of birds
had been back to their destination
but this bird had flown towards
my way ,
So sudden vanished of this
swarm of birds had made me
to meet with this ravishing
Bird ,
I got lucky to be with this
gorgeous bird so got the chance
to listen all the melody and
talk of a splendid
Bird !
A bird which is uncompare able
with all the other birds cause
of its God's gifted
qualities ,
When the bird starts to chirping
and when the quietness is out there
is completly broken by its
melody ,
It takes to the whole enviornment
into its grasp and makes to realize
every one by its talks & songs ,
"... None Is Best Than Her..."
When there is loneliness so it
gets flown to my window, talks
to me and makes my day when
i need desperatly some body
to be there !
This beautiful bird is flying
so is chirping with the message
of ,
"... None Is Best Than Her..."
By Farhan
Copyright ©
Farhan
... [
2006-10-20 06:11:07]
(Date/Time posted on
site)
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Re: A CHIRPING BIRD
(User Rating: 1 )
by Fionndruinne on
Saturday, 21st October 2006 @ 01:47:12 PM AEST
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Info | Send
a Message)
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Nice work here, with a couple of qualifications, at least as I see it. One thing, this is very prosy in its wording - it seems that the lines could have been slimmed down substantially by using less grammatical function-words, and making the nouns and verbs do most of the work. There's nothing wrong with "conversational" English, but poetry generally sounds better when sparser.
Also the line "none is best than her" is not quite correct. Either "none is better than her" or "none is best but her".
But do keep it up!
Andrew |
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Re: A CHIRPING BIRD
(User Rating: 1 )
by Former_Member on
Sunday, 22nd October 2006 @ 07:41:42 AM AEST
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a Message)
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Aww, this is so sweet.
All mushy and cute and.. wow.
Thankyou for sharing this, it's adorable.
*giggles*
Kat.
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