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Sunburnt denim
Contributed by
one-curly-fry
on
Sunday, 15th October 2006 @ 06:45:23 AM in AEST
Topic:
Lifepoems
|
I forgot what it was like
- to lay my head in a lap
on firm muscles
with the smell of sunburnt denim
lazy long feminine fingers
- drift through my hair
like the bow of a boat
- taking me away
Strange, I guess
a man finding joy in such an act
child-like
intimate without lust
strange that I forgot
- just how often I fell asleep
awoken by a soft giggle
- I’d started snoring
It was in that big empty bed
- I awoke
curled up, still smelling sunburnt denim
a dream – just a dream
a faceless action
not once to dream of her or anyone else
no longer a person, but an action
strange for me to forget.
5/10/06
Copyright ©
one-curly-fry
... [
2006-10-15 06:45:23]
(Date/Time posted on
site)
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Re: Sunburnt denim
(User Rating: 1 )
by Leoricx on
Sunday, 15th October 2006 @ 07:27:50 AM AEST
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a Message)
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Good write.
The middle stanza is good and light and contrasted nicely by the last.
I like the thought that, macho and manly as we men are, such a simple and, as you say, intmate act can still touch us so deeply and leave a lasting memory.
Keep it up
:D |
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Re: Sunburnt denim
(User Rating: 1 )
by Freesia on
Sunday, 15th October 2006 @ 06:25:32 PM AEST
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both the first and second stanza remindsus that it is the little things that we considered big treasures.
Very nice
Freesia |
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Re: Sunburnt denim
(User Rating: 1 )
by doug on
Sunday, 15th October 2006 @ 07:07:57 PM AEST
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Little things like that have
always been hardest for
me to forget. I've spent
long periods of my life
alone and am quite
comfortable doing so
until I think of those little
things. Great write. I know
what you mean. Truly Doug |
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Re: Sunburnt denim
(User Rating: 1 )
by LonelyPoet on
Monday, 16th October 2006 @ 05:43:31 AM AEST
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| What a really nice poem...from a womans perspective..we feel much the same way...all the small acts of intimacy which come to mean so much once gone. |
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Re: Sunburnt denim
(User Rating: 1 )
by Alison on
Monday, 16th October 2006 @ 09:39:18 AM AEST
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| very sweet and sad. I understand what you mean, but for me it is someone brushing the hair from my face......awesome write! |
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Re: Sunburnt denim
(User Rating: 1 )
by Silent-No-More on
Monday, 16th October 2006 @ 11:59:13 PM AEST
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Strange, I guess
a man finding joy in such an act
child-like
intimate without lust
Strange isn't the adjective that I would have chosen actually. I, myself, would have gone with "wonderful" instead.
This piece tugs at me. It is both gentle and brave both, I think. I read it as a sort of quiet reflection on an elemental need... a desire confessed - not just for companionship, but for those sort of moments in which one truly feels cared for, loved, appreciated. In this world of overused "I love you"s, it is, I believe, expressions and/or actions of a quieter, softer nature that say the most. Personally, I think the definition of "intimate" has been corrupted over time. It was, truly, rather a pleasure to find it demonstrated so well here. To be utterly frank, this piece leaves me longing for the the same.
Beautiful and moving work.
~Snemmy
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