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Pain Grips Me
Contributed by
DannyGirl
on
Friday, 13th October 2006 @ 05:15:55 PM in AEST
Topic:
anguished
|
Stars fill the sky
Panic fills my body
Confusion sets the plateau
Terror raids my soul
Day after day-hour after hour
I feel it, sit with it- it grips me
I can’t get away from it
I feel it, sit with it
The pain is always there
It settles in my stomach
It clenches my throat
The pain is always there
There is no relief
From the clutch of its grasp
I pretend to be free
For a minute I relax
But it’s only a dream
The pain is relentless
It holds me hostage
I scream to be free
I feel it, sit with it- it grips me
The pain is always there
I scream, I scream
Someone reach into this black pit
And deliver me
Copyright ©
DannyGirl
... [
2006-10-13 17:15:55] (Date/Time posted on
site)
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Re: Pain Grips Me
(User Rating: 1 ) by Rum on
Friday, 13th October 2006 @ 06:30:11 PM AEST (User
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a Message)
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I really like the repition in it. Some people use repeat meaningless stanza just for the sake of using a literary device, but you did the opposite. I really liked the descripion and metaphors. I look foward to future poems. |
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Re: Pain Grips Me
(User Rating: 1 ) by one-curly-fry on
Friday, 13th October 2006 @ 10:17:14 PM AEST (User
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a Message)
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I'm with Rum - repeating the important point(s) really does add to the poem and you did it well here.
I hope, if this is personal, that it isn't too strong a hold of you. I can relate in many ways to that feeling. I've found a way of controlling it and so my life is better than it once was. If it is how you feel - I hope you can find some peace.
- Tim |
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Re: Pain Grips Me
(User Rating: 1 ) by DannyGirl on
Friday, 13th October 2006 @ 11:48:58 PM AEST (User
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a Message)
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Thanks guys, I don't know anything about writing styles for poetry, I just write what I feel. Sometimes it rymes sometimes it doesn't. |
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