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......
Contributed by
maddie
on
Saturday, 7th October 2006 @ 11:34:55 PM in AEST
Topic:
oops
|
staring out at the beautiful night sky
moon shines bright
as it twinkles in my eye
wish you were here to share a moonlight kiss
to hold me tight
and never let go
please never let me go
until death do us part
please never let me go
until you break my heart
Copyright ©
maddie
... [
2006-10-07 23:34:55]
(Date/Time posted on
site)
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Re: ......
(User Rating: 1 )
by one-curly-fry on
Sunday, 8th October 2006 @ 12:23:10 AM AEST
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Info | Send
a Message)
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Nice little write.
I especially like the last 6 lines -clever use of words, short and full of feeling.
I may be looking into it too much but there also seems to be a use of rhyme which helps the flow and adds to the feeling of the piece.
- Tim |
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Re: ......
(User Rating: 1 )
by Leoricx on
Sunday, 8th October 2006 @ 11:35:56 AM AEST
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a Message)
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Personally, I think you've captured well the feelings of need and uncertainty felt by those at the start of a relationship. I like how the last line suddenly darkens the piece.
Nicely done
:D |
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