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Pain
Contributed by
Amicus
on
Saturday, 7th October 2006 @ 05:14:32 PM in AEST
Topic:
DarkPoetry
|
Slowly hack away
Your mind at bay
Death to my lover
She's like no other
Hide her in the ceiling
No feelings worth feeling
Cops at the door
Nothing to hide anymore
Shoved in the chair
A shots of pain
No other care
My lifes in vain
Copyright ©
Amicus
... [
2006-10-07 17:14:32]
(Date/Time posted on
site)
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Re: Pain
(User Rating: 1 )
by Honey56 on
Saturday, 7th October 2006 @ 05:53:17 PM AEST
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Info | Send
a Message)
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A beautiful piece...But kind of frighten...
honey56 |
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Re: Pain
(User Rating: 1 )
by Fionndruinne on
Sunday, 8th October 2006 @ 12:59:52 AM AEST
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a Message)
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I fail to see the point of this. Structurally it is minimalistic, which can be a good thing, but only when the content is very strong. This content isn't strong, it's tired. There are only so many dark and dank anti-good themes, and they're being worked over too many times. You should broaden your horizons, perhaps find an inspiration more conducive to creativity's flow.
This is just my opinion, of course, and I don't mean to offend. Take it for what it's worth.
Write on.
Andrew |
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Re: Pain
(User Rating: 1 )
by crazy on
Sunday, 8th October 2006 @ 04:41:42 PM AEST
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a Message)
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forget what other dude said
but your poem lacks something.it seems like there is something trying to comeout,yet it just disappears to nothing.i don't know if that as the point or what.but it semms like if you would have added alittle more it would have made you feel more.
no offense is ment |
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