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The rest I need
Contributed by
lord_sogi
on
Tuesday, 3rd October 2006 @ 11:02:39 PM in AEST
Topic:
LovePoetry
|
This is just another night,
where I lay awake,
only to daydream of your face.
Somehow,
that is just the right rest I need.
Maybe the scientist are right,
with eight hours of sleep before you wake,
but I think daydreams can take its place,
at least for right now,
because dreaming of you is all I need.
Daydreaming is speical and personal,
afterall it contains whatever you contrived,
and is there for you to beckon,
what your heart finds true.
Call me delusional,
or perhaps sleep deprived,
but all I want is one more second,
to smile at you.
Copyright ©
lord_sogi
... [
2006-10-03 23:02:39]
(Date/Time posted on
site)
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Re: The rest I need
(User Rating: 1 )
by Former_Member on
Wednesday, 4th October 2006 @ 12:03:46 AM AEST
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a Message)
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very clever my friend
a brite and sweet poem and romantical too
lol keep up the good writing
day dreams lead to the best poems sometimes
nice mix |
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Re: The rest I need
(User Rating: 1 )
by Fionndruinne on
Wednesday, 4th October 2006 @ 12:04:09 AM AEST
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This is quite good for a first attempt - it's honest, and not completely riddled with clichés, which kill much love poetry.
I think it might have lost some steam from the middle of the second stanza through the third; those lines are less essential, and start to rehash what has already been said. But I like the whole first and last stanzas. Perhaps the middle two could be boiled down to one?
Keep writing.
Andrew |
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Re: The rest I need
(User Rating: 1 )
by ever1der on
Wednesday, 4th October 2006 @ 12:48:18 AM AEST
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| I've had those daydreams..they bring a smile that just lasts and lasts..much more refreshing than sleep..;) |
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Re: The rest I need
(User Rating: 1 )
by Eternal_Dreamer on
Wednesday, 4th October 2006 @ 06:17:02 PM AEST
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A very good first attempt at love poetry~ It's not my strongest style either, lol. You did a fine job. Keep it up~
warm hugs,
dreamer |
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Re: The rest I need
(User Rating: 1 )
by emystar on
Sunday, 18th February 2007 @ 11:34:16 PM AEST
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Well I think it's jus down right sweet and your sweetheart's, heart should be smilin.
big hugg, smiles,
emy |
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