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Memories of Pain
Contributed by
DannyGirl
on
Tuesday, 3rd October 2006 @ 01:12:11 AM in AEST
Topic:
selfstruggles
|
The memories chase me
When a friend betrays me
I went to his house
I’m in trouble, he said
One drink overwhelms me
As I lay on his bed
He presses against me
My innocence he takes from me
The mistake of my life
Will I ever trust again?
My body is wracked
With the memory of this pain
Copyright ©
DannyGirl
... [
2006-10-03 01:12:11]
(Date/Time posted on
site)
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Re: Memories of Pain
(User Rating: 1 )
by emystar on
Tuesday, 3rd October 2006 @ 02:20:12 AM AEST
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Info | Send
a Message)
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it's written very well even tho very sad. Hang tuff, friend.
huggs,
emy |
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Re: Memories of Pain
(User Rating: 1 )
by JoeyTrib1550 on
Tuesday, 3rd October 2006 @ 03:14:06 AM AEST
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a Message)
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I'd change the first two lines in
"Momories are chasing me
Of a friend betraying me"
I think it would fit better because the line "when a friend betrays me" suggests that it could be any friend, keeping it general. But in your poem you're then getting specific "his house", so it's not friends in general, but a particular friend.
Other then my nerv killing moaning, great work!
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Re: Memories of Pain
(User Rating: 1 )
by matt82583 on
Tuesday, 3rd October 2006 @ 08:10:36 PM AEST
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a Message)
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| This is a good poem. I know where you are coming from. I really understand the pain of betrayal and its not easy to really trust again after it. But good work, I like it alot |
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