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So Sensitive
Contributed by
Mangos
on
Thursday, 28th September 2006 @ 06:59:14 PM in AEST
Topic:
oops
|
All I can do is picture you
Reading this over and over again
The words will be kept clean
In pristine
Columns
With beauty
Your eyes rise
Filled with tears
There is not enough time to cry
I am motivated by self loathing
Nothing prevails
All this entails
Is no regard
Limited hopes
Immersed
In a façade
A dream world
Asleep with a nod
Come to blackness
Enter my life
Suppose,
I become transposed
Permanently affixed
To a figment
Of a slit on the wrist
A knife in the back
Rope around a neck
Suddenly it connects
Life to death
I need to stop-
This is making me sick
____
__
Copyright ©
Mangos
... [
2006-09-28 18:59:14]
(Date/Time posted on
site)
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Re: So Sensitive
(User Rating: 1 )
by Fionndruinne on
Thursday, 28th September 2006 @ 11:25:59 PM AEST
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a Message)
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This is a good piece of work. The lines are well-structured and the words are well-picked, and the ending is strong. Personally, I grow tired of the "slit on the wrist" image/subject, just because it's so common in the poetry of youth these days. But that's me.
Keep it up.
Andrew |
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Re: So Sensitive
(User Rating: 1 )
by Former_Member on
Friday, 29th September 2006 @ 09:17:19 PM AEST
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M .. your writes evoke emotion in me that I've yet to fully
explore, (or even understand)
the second stanza was best for me ..
(scary, in a way that I found it sort of comforting ~)
sensitive indeed!
~Breezy |
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