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Scenery of Loss
Contributed by
Opium
on
Thursday, 28th September 2006 @ 07:30:35 AM in AEST
Topic:
LovePoetry
|
***
Who will sneak in your mind?
While sunsets took away my gaze
And with words so soft and kind
My once solemn picture will erase
Who will steal away your heart?
While the stars distracted me
And in your life take part
Filling my heart with grave poetry
Who will awaken your senses?
While night breeze whispered in my ears
And his caresses break away your defenses
Making you ignore my burning tears
Who will take away your life?
While the glistering moon blinded my sight
Making of you his wedded wife
And putting end to our special crazy night
Drawn away each day
By the beauty in life, the beauty I see in you
Who did take you away?
While I was searching for words
…words far more than "I love you"
***
Copyright ©
Opium
... [
2006-09-28 07:30:35]
(Date/Time posted on
site)
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Re: Scenery of Loss
(User Rating: 1 )
by Ruby2sdy on
Thursday, 28th September 2006 @ 07:34:35 AM AEST
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a Message)
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very nice, some lovely imagery, and a good rhyme scheme! great write,
2sdy x (-: |
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Re: Scenery of Loss
(User Rating: 1 )
by Oneir8dude on
Thursday, 28th September 2006 @ 08:11:40 AM AEST
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very beautiful work... They do indeed say much more than I love you
thank you
Bill |
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Re: Scenery of Loss
(User Rating: 1 )
by Former_Member on
Friday, 29th September 2006 @ 06:23:48 AM AEST
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Aw, such a heartfelt poem.
I adored the line about the stars distracting you.
That's just.. so special.
Mind you, I was pretty thrown off by the constant change of tense.
From present to past, and back.
Example:
"Who will steal away your heart?
While the stars distracted me"
^^ First line's present, second is past.
I know it's just a little thing, but it really distracted me.
Overall though, this was a pretty thought-provoking write.
Thanks for sharing.
*hugglies*
Kat.
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