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Sting
Contributed by
oneir8dude
on
Thursday, 28th September 2006 @ 12:13:24 AM in AEST
Topic:
Grief
|
The scorpion’s sting leaves lasting effects…
It’s poison in your blood it injects…
You don’t see him until it’s to late…
He stings you fast and seals your fate…
The blistering heat of the hot desert…
Will not help you with your comfort…
You begin to witness numbness…
Difficulty swallowing and soreness…
Your tongue will soon swell…
And your blurred vision will dwell…
You’ll fall to seizures and shake your brain...
Your body hopeless, your thoughts you can’t gain…
Salivation starts, as your eyes grow distant…
You pray for death right this instant…
Your lungs tighten and your breath shortens…
You would at this point make a deal with Satan…
Just as you start to feel renewed…
Reflecting on your life you viewed…
As being full and way to short…
Yet this pain your memories distort…
The sky grows dark…
You’ll soon depart…
This world and leave it behind…
Copyright ©
oneir8dude
... [
2006-09-28 00:13:24]
(Date/Time posted on
site)
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Re: Sting
(User Rating: 1 )
by emystar on
Thursday, 28th September 2006 @ 12:18:59 AM AEST
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a Message)
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Well I'm sure you've used this a metafore as in life but My son is a Scorpio and when he was a bout 3 he picked up a scorpian but he was fine. i know he will always remember it tho.
Very good writing.
huggs,
emy |
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Re: Sting
(User Rating: 1 )
by sadaddy on
Thursday, 28th September 2006 @ 12:41:12 AM AEST
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Wow, what a graphic detailed description of death by a scorpion’s sting. It lets you experience that feel without it really happening to you. Our Lives are very much like that when things are happening to us. A very strong write.
sadaddy |
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Re: Sting
(User Rating: 1 )
by deadheadpoet on
Thursday, 28th September 2006 @ 10:27:38 AM AEST
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Bill, What a stinging write. *smiles*. Really good descriptions here. (no Kleenex required on this one, man...thanks.)
Peace, Laura |
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Re: Sting
(User Rating: 1 )
by Ruby2sdy on
Thursday, 28th September 2006 @ 11:23:43 AM AEST
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I like the end of this one; sudden and sharp, perfect metaphor; wicked write, keep on going...
Tuesd (-; |
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Re: Sting
(User Rating: 1 )
by Ravensfire on
Thursday, 28th September 2006 @ 03:33:53 PM AEST
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| Could almost feel the sting, great description man. |
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Re: Sting
(User Rating: 1 )
by Eternal_Dreamer on
Thursday, 28th September 2006 @ 05:34:59 PM AEST
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Wow Bill~
You have penned down to detail the effects of what a sting from a scorpian can do to one who is stung. Kinda reminds me of life a little when one has so much going on in it.
A very descriptive and powerful write. I have come to really enjoy your wonderful work Bill~ Keep up the splendid work.
hugs n prayers,
Sue M
PS thanks for the comment on my poem. Most appreciated my friend :-) |
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Re: Sting
(User Rating: 1 )
by catz77 on
Thursday, 28th September 2006 @ 07:04:04 PM AEST
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full of imagery
good write |
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