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Stranger
Contributed by
shinji_kusa
on
Wednesday, 27th September 2006 @ 01:51:41 PM in AEST
Topic:
DarkPoetry
|
My tears feel cold,
Just Sitting here crying,
I didn’t think the world’s lying,
Could grow,
But I was wrong,
No matter what you do,
There’s always someone suffering,
At least twenty times greater than you,
Their suffering doesn’t stop,
It grows and grows until it rubs off,
On you,
And the world around you, stranger,
Fills with darkness and more danger,
And you’re more sensitive to these changes than you knew.
Copyright ©
shinji_kusa
... [
2006-09-27 13:51:41] (Date/Time posted on
site)
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Re: Stranger
(User Rating: 1 ) by lostinmyself on
Wednesday, 27th September 2006 @ 01:59:59 PM AEST (User
Info | Send
a Message)
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Hahahahaha.
I'm sorry, but I can't believe you did that authors note. Too funny.
I like this. It's a vicious circle, I know. There's always someone worse off, yet somehow we all still feel bad.
The rhyme here is more subtle than in the one I saw recently, I think it works well.
The one bad thing that stood out (and this isn't exactly a bad thing, but a small mistake, I think) is the capitalised s on the second line. You extended the line, right?
Anyway, I like it.
Good write,
Phil xxx |
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