|
 Menu
|
|
|
|
|
Social
|
|
|
|
|
Lover's Quarrel
Contributed by
Amicus
on
Monday, 25th September 2006 @ 08:58:44 PM in AEST
Topic:
AmericanTragedy
|
I've found a love
The love of life
A single dove
My fair wife
This love of mine
She wont lie
This valentine
She wont die
All the pain she's put me through
I'm tired of the sadness
Wont leave me alone
Till death killed her
Stepped into my zone
In the room I let occur
'Neath the floorboard
Struggling for life
This I couldnt afford
Till life ended with knife
Off to jail
Mill to bail
Electric's so hot
All the pain I've brought
Copyright ©
Amicus
... [
2006-09-25 20:58:44]
(Date/Time posted on
site)
Advertisments:
|
|
|
|
|
|
Sorry, comments are no longer allowed for anonymous, please register for a free membership to access this feature and more
|
|
All comments are owned by the poster. Your Poetry
Dot Com is not responsible for the content of any
comment.
That said, if you find an offensive comment, please
contact via the FeedBack Form with details, including poem title
etc.
|
|
|
Re: Lover's Quarrel
(User Rating: 1 )
by Oneir8dude on
Monday, 25th September 2006 @ 09:39:25 PM AEST
(User
Info | Send
a Message)
|
Wow went from happy life...
To none at all...
Very Dark... I hope this is fiction...
Cuz if it isn't I'm hidin' LOL
Nice flow... But I am scared now... LOL
Bill |
|
|
Re: Lover's Quarrel
(User Rating: 1 )
by Former_Member on
Monday, 25th September 2006 @ 10:02:11 PM AEST
(User
Info | Send
a Message)
|
| its got a modern day poe feel to it. its good. keep on. |
|
|
Re: Lover's Quarrel
(User Rating: 1 )
by chulysnacky on
Monday, 25th September 2006 @ 11:05:43 PM AEST
(User
Info | Send
a Message)
|
| I hope this is a fic poem, but if it is or isn't it's still good and I would've kept on writing if I were you, it has some flava. |
|
|
Re: Lover's Quarrel
(User Rating: 1 )
by poet_of_anger on
Monday, 25th September 2006 @ 11:12:54 PM AEST
(User
Info | Send
a Message)
|
| It has good flow till the fourth stanza. Make sure you are able to keep your rhyme scheme without having to omit words, "till i ended with knife" you know that doesn't make as much sense as it could. Still, this isn't bad. Keep going one day you'll make me smile. |
|
|
Re: Lover's Quarrel
(User Rating: 1 )
by deadheadpoet on
Tuesday, 26th September 2006 @ 12:14:37 AM AEST
(User
Info | Send
a Message)
|
Kinda crazy....kinda funny....kinda wicked. I kinda liked it. LOL It really did have a cool flow to it. I was hearing it sort of being drummed out or rapped a tad. (and I am so a deadhead and not into rap) *smiles* That last stanza man, raw and sweet.
Peace, Laura (who welcomes you to YPDC) |
|
|
Re: Lover's Quarrel
(User Rating: 1 )
by atra_phasma on
Friday, 27th October 2006 @ 01:18:38 PM AEST
(User
Info | Send
a Message)
|
nice one Amicus,
deliciously dark, ambiguous ending,
nice way to leave readers hanging.
Keep it up! |
|
|
|
· 
Poetry
Community
Members
Areas
Reference
Search
Top
Others
