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his cross and band
Contributed by
prodigalson777
on
Friday, 22nd September 2006 @ 02:52:43 PM in AEST
Topic:
ChristianPoetry
|
he carries a cross across his back
accompanied by a band of black
the cross he's carried from day one
the band represents the bad he's done
with righteous rebels loosing their demand
the world already knows where he stands
people only see the band on his arm
believing his actions cause only harm
he is puerile but quickly growing old
still none consider him mean or cold
treating others with stainless intentions
never demanding honorable mentions
he maintains victory and ignores loss
wearing his band and bearing his cross
Copyright ©
prodigalson777
... [
2006-09-22 14:52:43]
(Date/Time posted on
site)
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Re: his cross and band
(User Rating: 1 )
by brave_celt on
Friday, 22nd September 2006 @ 02:59:23 PM AEST
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Info | Send
a Message)
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| awsome write |
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Re: his cross and band
(User Rating: 1 )
by skyhawk432 on
Friday, 22nd September 2006 @ 03:06:14 PM AEST
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a Message)
|
Not bad at all. The use of iambic pentameter in the second and third stanza was nice but it wasn't consistent with the fifth stanza which is only a regular couplet. I suggest that you change the final line and make it into ten syllables instead of nine in order to achieve the effect.
The wording is nice as well, good job.
I advise you to clean up the spelling and punctuation.
All in all, a nice read, but do your best to clean up things. |
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Re: his cross and band
(User Rating: 1 )
by HisPrincess2 on
Friday, 29th September 2006 @ 11:12:49 AM AEST
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a Message)
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| Wow! That was an amazing poem. It took my breath away. Have you considered putting it to music? |
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