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Washed Away
Contributed by
Toriano
on
Friday, 22nd September 2006 @ 02:27:54 PM in AEST
Topic:
LostLove
|
The cold tides rush against my heart
as the contact is made between our eyes
as i finally discover love truely blinds
My love for you is like a deep seated lie
because these emotions you continue stealing
and soon enough i'll be left without feeling
My confusion begins to rise to the ceiling
as i think we shouldn't ever be
the withering of my heart would be too high a fee
Then i think, "she's not for me"
I also believe we shouldn't be apart
It's then i realize she's a piece of living art
but the cold tides have washed away the love and warmth within my heart
Copyright ©
Toriano
... [
2006-09-22 14:27:54]
(Date/Time posted on
site)
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Re: Washed Away
(User Rating: 1 )
by brave_celt on
Friday, 22nd September 2006 @ 03:01:44 PM AEST
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Info | Send
a Message)
|
| good write the raw emotion is there but not the structure. you should choose your rhyme scheme better if you choose to rhyme. overall good write keep it up |
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Re: Washed Away
(User Rating: 1 )
by ButchCorpuz on
Friday, 22nd September 2006 @ 06:48:01 PM AEST
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a Message)
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I loved the way you described the pain
and emptiness of the heart as cold tides rushing. Nice poem!
-Butch Corpuz
-Betrayer of Hope |
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Re: Washed Away
(User Rating: 1 )
by chaos78 on
Friday, 22nd September 2006 @ 10:45:52 PM AEST
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a Message)
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a good write it feel like it came from the heart thanks for sharing
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