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Forever.
Contributed by
Xbxg32000
on
Friday, 15th September 2006 @ 03:09:57 PM in AEST
Topic:
LovePoetry
|
Rigid lips of steel,
outline her solidity.
Imposing fear and sorrow,
her intentions unclear to you,
to herself.
Tears of gravel,
flow downward across cement.
Reaching the edge of their journey,
sticking to her pale face.
End the resent;
cast the flames,
to burn the depression.
Transfer your emotions for her,
which can only be called love.
Strike her lips, melt the steel;
softening it into red crescents of velvet.
Forgive her, forgive yourself.
Chapped mascara meets your fingers,
her eyes are no longer cloaked.
Tears now fall as oil,
running down in fine streaks;
reaching their new edge, falling off.
And onto your heart, burrowing a slot;
marked: occupied.
--
This is a poem that I have have recently written. In general, it is about two people who deeply love each other and went through a tough period without talking to each other; the female is angry, and sad, about the male--but the male sets his anger and stubbornness aside for the overwhelming love that he has for her. He talks to her and tries to fix things, he tells her that he is sorry about it all. She is very impacted by his sincerity and love, and her anger evaporates as she says that she is sorry too and then takes his kiss passionately.
Copyright ©
Xbxg32000
... [
2006-09-15 15:09:57]
(Date/Time posted on
site)
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Re: Forever.
(User Rating: 1 )
by lostinmyself on
Friday, 15th September 2006 @ 03:30:48 PM AEST
(User
Info | Send
a Message)
|
I really like this.
That first stanza is awesome.
I wasn't so sure about the very last line until I read it for a second time. It's rather creative on second glance, while at first my mind saw it as a little tacky, but it does work.
The 4th stanza is my favourite.
This is a really good write, the images are fabulous, and it's set out creatively, and you use excellent metaphors.
Great write,
Phil xxx |
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Re: Forever.
(User Rating: 1 )
by Drapes on
Friday, 15th September 2006 @ 04:10:08 PM AEST
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a Message)
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Aww that's really sweet.
But it's an amazing write!
Your descriptions and word choice are wonderful!
Great write. |
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Re: Forever.
(User Rating: 1 )
by Evangeline92 on
Friday, 15th September 2006 @ 04:48:21 PM AEST
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a Message)
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| I really liked this poem.It's really original. |
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