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Wars
Contributed by
heberbensi
on
Saturday, 9th September 2006 @ 12:18:35 PM in AEST
Topic:
political
|
Wars
The war becomes incandescent the brain,
In the to resound of the myths and legends,
The died appears behind the mirrors...
Saying that in war all lose.
Poets bleed trying to shout,
Expelling messages ignored,
Asking for peace and future,
But to the money the lords point...
And the money points all to the war!
Goldsmithery, how much is this gun?
Why it is in poor countries...
Where food the people can't buy?
Copyright ©
heberbensi
... [
2006-09-09 12:18:35]
(Date/Time posted on
site)
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Re: Wars
(User Rating: 1 )
by Crookedpoet09 on
Monday, 9th February 2009 @ 02:16:19 PM AEST
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Info | Send
a Message)
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| Please don't take this the wrong way because this is the only way I can say it: your poem doesn't make sense. There are a few lines I understand, like the second verse (poets bleed...) but lines such as "the war becomes incandescent the brain"? What is that supposed to mean? |
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Re: Wars
(User Rating: 1 )
by ShaonKra on
Wednesday, 18th February 2009 @ 02:38:02 PM AEST
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a Message)
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There are some effective techniques used but the overall sense of the poem doesn't convey a message or understanding to me, keep trying different ways though and it will suddenly just click when you get it right
ShaonKra |
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