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Amateur Philosophy on Life
Contributed by
bobbyzimmerman
on
Friday, 8th September 2006 @ 08:01:19 PM in AEST
Topic:
Lifepoems
|
We walk the dusty, dim-lit road of life
A westward stroll to the setting sun
And frantically we search for meaning
But to the naked eye there is none.
On this road there is lovely scenery
For those who choose to seek it out
If we did not let benign dust vex us
We would see the positive throughout
We have options on this road of life
We can stay at home or board a ship
Enjoy each moment, hour, and day
Or watch our feet and never trip.
Copyright ©
bobbyzimmerman
... [
2006-09-08 20:01:19]
(Date/Time posted on
site)
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Re: Amateur Philosophy on Life
(User Rating: 1 )
by Fionndruinne on
Friday, 8th September 2006 @ 11:50:27 PM AEST
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Info | Send
a Message)
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This one might have benefited from more punctuation, methinks - some of the lines change a little abruptly; the third line of the first stanza, for instance, could do with a comma to mark the shift in tone of the but following it. Also the first line of the last stanza could have a period. More punctuation might be seen as clutter, but it helps with the flow and tempo of the piece.
Good work, though. Keep it up.
Andrew |
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Re: Amateur Philosophy on Life
(User Rating: 1 )
by deadheadpoet on
Saturday, 9th September 2006 @ 08:54:28 AM AEST
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a Message)
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Great write. I had no problem tripping through this read. Well done.
Peace, Laura |
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Re: Amateur Philosophy on Life
(User Rating: 1 )
by rdv1960 on
Saturday, 9th September 2006 @ 04:04:56 PM AEST
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a Message)
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Great story, nice rhymes; a little more attention to the rhythm couldn't hurt.
Grtz,
roberto |
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Re: Amateur Philosophy on Life
(User Rating: 1 )
by drtylilsecret on
Saturday, 9th September 2006 @ 04:43:13 PM AEST
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ooh, good work, very well written. if you want to read another "amateur philosophy on life" check out my last post. i think you'll find the contrast between the two rather entertaining.
--talli |
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Re: Amateur Philosophy on Life
(User Rating: 1 )
by Lionel on
Tuesday, 12th September 2006 @ 10:05:35 PM AEST
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a Message)
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| Very good. And not very amateurish, I'd say. |
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