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Spotless Mind
Contributed by
lord_sogi
on
Monday, 4th September 2006 @ 12:28:49 PM in AEST
Topic:
didactic
|
A dead rose laid on the road,
a gem to the scattered scum
on a street void of life.
Buildings are destroyed,
yet people remain inside,
only to rot away
as their brains erode
like rocks against the infinite tide.
They remain confined,
knowing nothing but their void.
They have succumb,
to living life without strife,
only to decay
in a spotless mind.
(yes there is an actual rhyme scheme....)
Copyright ©
lord_sogi
... [
2006-09-04 12:28:49]
(Date/Time posted on
site)
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Re: Spotless Mind
(User Rating: 1 )
by The_Unknown on
Monday, 4th September 2006 @ 12:36:53 PM AEST
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a Message)
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good poem. I like it. but, what is the lesson?
luvs ya!
~*Jess*~ |
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Re: Spotless Mind
(User Rating: 1 )
by Fionndruinne on
Thursday, 7th September 2006 @ 12:48:33 AM AEST
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a Message)
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Hey, not bad. The beginning stanza especially is quite strong, but the last two lines, well, I think they might be to short content-wise in comparison with the rest of the piece. Still, well written. The rhyme's there, and actually, it's better a little less obvious than the click-clack AABB or ABAB of most rhyming poetry written by beginners or near-beginners. Rhyme should never get in the way of content.
Keep it up.
Andrew |
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Re: Spotless Mind
(User Rating: 1 )
by True on
Friday, 8th September 2006 @ 10:43:41 AM AEST
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| Good job, as always. i got the lesson to it, basically we should get out and experience life instead of hiding in the protection of the decaying walls of our comfort zone, because if we do we may find a rose among the wreckage. |
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Re: Spotless Mind
(User Rating: 1 )
by Former_Member on
Tuesday, 3rd October 2006 @ 09:24:18 PM AEST
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a Message)
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very deep poem and well thoughtout too
you have some talent and put it to good use
my favorite part thou is that you spelled confind wrong just like me lol |
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