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Critical
Contributed by
keilantra
on
Friday, 1st September 2006 @ 03:44:18 PM in AEST
Topic:
oops
|
_______________
Our secret language consists of
Subtle dares and foolish challenges -
We have got to let go of these
Childish antics.
Even in my denial, I know it,
The other me make it obvious…
I've been enticed by
skinny legs
stupid jokes
and tanned arms
All enough to make me blush.
Ashamed when I find myself taking
The long way home
Just to pass by your window and
Enjoy your silhouette -
Ooh, you sell yourself so well
Through those open curtains.
Perhaps the best thing right now
Is to shut off my senses;
no more thinking, no more wanting
But I am wanton
And aware of your every move
It's getting critical.
Copyright ©
keilantra
... [
2006-09-01 15:44:18]
(Date/Time posted on
site)
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Re: Critical
(User Rating: 1 )
by xxbreathlessx on
Friday, 1st September 2006 @ 04:45:54 PM AEST
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a Message)
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| i really liked this, it shows the crush of child but escalates into the liking of an adult. interesting and very good piece! |
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Re: Critical
(User Rating: 1 )
by Silent-No-More on
Friday, 1st September 2006 @ 11:41:04 PM AEST
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Oh, now this I like... there's a lovely progressive nature about it --- it "builds" as it goes... as passion tends to do when one ponders the object of their affection. The last stanza here is fabulous. There is no logic in desire, no ability to deny it, no reasoning it away... and *sigh* yeh, ever a keen, intimate awareness of all that they are. An addiction it is, really.... "critical", yeh... but in the most wonderful way. (This, of course, just my humble opinion. lol)
Set to ponder this for a while,
~Snemmy
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Re: Critical
(User Rating: 1 )
by Former_Member on
Saturday, 2nd September 2006 @ 07:42:36 PM AEST
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oh yes yes yes!!!! I agree with snemmers. This piece is
incredible in it's story that begins so soft .. almost as a
whisper, then increasing in it's intensity .. just like that
of an attraction for something .. or someone -
Powerful .. powerful write, kei .. like obsession itself!!
It grips you in the worst way, never to relinquish it's hold.
Perfectly put, kei. flawless
~Breezy
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