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innocence lost
Contributed by
bigbadblinkybill
on
Thursday, 31st August 2006 @ 02:48:41 PM in AEST
Topic:
oops
|
you made me think you where the one
the one that i should adore
but never in my short life
i have ever meant this more
but sometimes when i say some words
i mostly get it wrong
i kinda get things too involved
and realise i aint that strong
but attacking me when i cant defend
is a childish way to be
you come from behind your innocent mask
and show my life was meant for me
i never wanted it to be this way
but its this way that it is
you gave me a glimmer of a life
but its a life i should not see
i shouldnt have said i love you
you threw it in my face
you told me i should be ther for you
i tried but it was misplaced
so now i sit here at the keyboard
typing all my thoughts
watching as you wash away
the remainder of my heart
for now this time i shall be gone
cant be bothered to begin to fight
i have another life to live
so i'll walk into the light
i know your going to hate me
but you knew from the beginning
i told you being with me was hard
but its my paitience now thats thinning
so sorry for the time we spent
but its not to you i apologise
i never was the one who was hiding away
it was you in the disguise
so sorry if my thoughts offend
but to be true i do not care
there is only one way i can think
and its beyond selfish despair
Copyright ©
bigbadblinkybill
... [
2006-08-31 14:48:41]
(Date/Time posted on
site)
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Re: innocence lost
(User Rating: 1 )
by TwistedCage on
Thursday, 31st August 2006 @ 11:58:44 PM AEST
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a Message)
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I love the thoughts in this piece, but I found the style in which it was written to be hard to follow. The begining rhymes were fantastic, then, quite abrubtly, they merged into a almost mingled free verse.
I think you have a VERY good start here, and with some work, a little cleaning up, and perhaps a commitment to a single style, this piece could shine!
But this is just my opinion; take it for what it's worth...
Much Love, |
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Re: innocence lost
(User Rating: 1 )
by Nirvana12 on
Friday, 1st September 2006 @ 08:40:56 AM AEST
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a Message)
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| Sounds like you have issues. |
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