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My Promise
Contributed by
jerseysue
on
Wednesday, 30th August 2006 @ 02:42:13 AM in AEST
Topic:
EmotionalPoetry
|
I promised I would keep away,
For you would be in peace that way,
I find it hard , it is a strain,
Too put my heart through all this pain,
For you are the one I can trust,
You know my deepest fears,
And if you could see me now I know,
You would wipe away my tears,
For I am feeling lonesome,
In need of my good friend,
Who makes me feel so special,
And who's ear I often bend,
Maybe I am just sensitive,
Or just filled with emotion,
But you are like a sedative,
Or a special magic potion,
So I'll try to sort myself out,
And live my life from day to day,
Try to suppress the feelings,
That are here with me today,
For I made that promise to you,
And It was not just a token,
Because I care for you so very much,
My promise will not be broken.
Copyright ©
jerseysue
... [
2006-08-30 02:42:13]
(Date/Time posted on
site)
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Re: My Promise
(User Rating: 1 )
by JockPhillips on
Wednesday, 30th August 2006 @ 02:37:15 PM AEST
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a Message)
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| An honest and beautiful poem. It's natural to want to suppress such feelings, but it is also good to release them sometimes, as you are doing with your writing. Keep up the good. |
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Re: My Promise
(User Rating: 1 )
by Man_On_High on
Wednesday, 30th August 2006 @ 09:12:24 PM AEST
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For me, stanzas 4 and 5 are pinnacle in this-
in the 4th.. you question yourself because you feel-
and then try adjust in the 5th, by "suppressing".. because you do.
Don't limit yourself..
..a great post my friend-
B |
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Re: My Promise
(User Rating: 1 )
by Man_On_High on
Wednesday, 30th August 2006 @ 09:15:17 PM AEST
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oops.. lol
..just realized your author's note-
sorry to come late with my nonsense and ramblings-
(though I stand by my previous comment, for whatever it's worth)..
B |
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Re: My Promise
(User Rating: 1 )
by TwistedCage on
Saturday, 2nd September 2006 @ 03:38:40 AM AEST
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a Message)
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Very nice, jersey! I often write in a traditional ABCB style; I just think it has character. You did a really good job with this. Sometimes rhyming poetry feels forced, but your rhyme scheme just sorta lulled of the tongue.
Thr first stanza threw me off a bit as I progressed; the format was different, which ,imo, takes away from this piece.
(Although, it's still very good)
Well done, and...
Much Love |
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Re: My Promise
(User Rating: 1 )
by Rhei76 on
Sunday, 3rd September 2006 @ 11:37:30 AM AEST
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a Message)
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I think it's a bold strong
attempt to say what you've been feeling
beautifully structured
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