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The Deepest Puddle
Contributed by
The_Unknown
on
Monday, 28th August 2006 @ 08:39:47 AM in AEST
Topic:
ChildrensPoetry
|
there is this puddle
its the deepest puddle on the earth
my friend fell through
this giant puddle
came up and said,
"come on down"
i thaught a moment and imagined it
this massive place, where people love
under water,
there are fish, kids, and happly little clams
bubbles, bubbles, and more bubbles,
the deepest puddle in the universe
full of love and joy
where everyone is happy, never in a bad mood
my friend said,
"well come on"
so i dove strait in
and conked my head on the pavment
my friends all laughed
"but," i said
"its the deepest puddle, why, why did i conk my head?"
my friend in the puddle said, "cuz im in the way."
so he swam, swam way way down,
so this time i thaught, well maybe i will just tip toe in,
but the i fell, fell way way down
i looked around, saw my friend
and said
"hi"
i looked up and down
found the puddle, just a wee little light poked through the puddle
amazingly i could talk, swim, and play.
there were fish, kids, and silly little clams!
i was right! i was right!
me and my friend finaly climbed out of the puddle
then wanted back in,
we jumped, and jumped, and jumped on the puddle
but it was just pavment down there
so every day sense then
we've jumped on that very puddle,
just trying to get back in
Copyright ©
The_Unknown
... [
2006-08-28 08:39:47]
(Date/Time posted on
site)
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Re: The Deepest Puddle
(User Rating: 1 )
by trini on
Monday, 28th August 2006 @ 08:44:29 AM AEST
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Info | Send
a Message)
|
I thought this was really cute.
My only advice is watch your lines
sometimes the words are more effective if they are broken up
they seem to have/make their own punctuation.
anywas. great work
keep it up
-trini |
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Re: The Deepest Puddle
(User Rating: 1 )
by JockPhillips on
Monday, 28th August 2006 @ 09:35:51 AM AEST
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a Message)
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| Like a psychedelic dream this poem is good to be for. |
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Re: The Deepest Puddle
(User Rating: 1 )
by lost_chadow on
Monday, 28th August 2006 @ 06:24:06 PM AEST
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a Message)
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| Pretty cute but by habit i just imagined something dark. nice write |
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Re: The Deepest Puddle
(User Rating: 1 )
by Skillz on
Wednesday, 30th August 2006 @ 09:07:04 PM AEST
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| I loved this poem..it brought back all the magic of childhood when I too jumped in the puddles and the sky was the limit. |
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Re: The Deepest Puddle
(User Rating: 1 )
by TwistedCage on
Friday, 15th September 2006 @ 09:30:32 AM AEST
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Kids have the darndest imaginations, lol! I floated home made boats in the puddles when I was a kid, but never tried to swim them.
Nice write, |
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