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The Nightmare I Face Each Day Without You.
Contributed by
ravenrain
on
Monday, 7th August 2006 @ 05:26:04 PM in AEST
Topic:
DarkPoetry
|
I awake everyday and hate the fact I did.
My body feels empty and my heart aches constantly.
I look around and see nothing but pain.
My love has been taken away from me so abreuptly.
People walk around unaknowing of what awaits
for them around each dark and cold corner.
I never feared what awaited for me cause
you were by myside making me stronger.
Together we were unstopable for we kept
in sight the beautiful future to have.
Complaining of every situation that presents
a turning point, not willing to take action to
better themselves or their life style of what
they want for them and the love ones around them.
Growing weaker and more sick of every
conversation I have with mindless
drowns that keep making the same mistakes
over and over, but make no attempt to change.
So I turn to you every night while I sleep
hoping you do the same so we meet in our
dreams, asking you for more straingth to
live in a horriafying dellusional twisted world,
where the sun light is quickly devowered by
the devil himself!
Copyright ©
ravenrain
... [
2006-08-07 17:26:04]
(Date/Time posted on
site)
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Re: The Nightmare I Face Each Day Without You.
(User Rating: 1 )
by twick on
Monday, 7th August 2006 @ 07:36:24 PM AEST
(User
Info | Send
a Message)
|
| I can see you trying to get a flow going with the words but it's not working. If you have a specific flow in your mind maybe breaking up the lines or adding commas or periods could help that. Also you might want to look closer for spelling errors. There are a lot in this piece which makes it somewhat distracting to get the context. I think this poem was a good try but there doesn't seem to be anything special about it. Nothing stands outthat makes me want to read it again. It could be because of the spelling, I'm not sure. I did like the opening line. It had strength to it but after that it felt like you were grasping for the right words and didn't have a good hold on them. Keep working at it. |
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Re: The Nightmare I Face Each Day Without You.
(User Rating: 1 )
by yackerz85 on
Monday, 7th August 2006 @ 07:42:52 PM AEST
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Info | Send
a Message)
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| Very dark and very sensual. I especially like the last stanza. I, personally, enjoy writing dark poems more than any other types of poetry. When you write them, it just feels so much more natural than writing happy love poems. Great work. |
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Re: The Nightmare I Face Each Day Without You.
(User Rating: 1 )
by Vampirequeen on
Tuesday, 8th August 2006 @ 01:26:13 AM AEST
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Info | Send
a Message)
|
It must be tough without your love one.
good write |
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