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An Upwards Downturn
Contributed by
fielding88
on
Tuesday, 18th July 2006 @ 09:06:25 PM in AEST
Topic:
ambiguous
|
I never knew others played the game,
Danced the same steps,
Or drew the same cards.
Nor did I ever realize
They were all against me.
The risks of a Father’s Son
Taken in a child’s world
Were nothing but child’s play
But seen through the inexperienced eye.
And through my hardened ears,
I heard all the signs that cried out,
In a deafening volume:
“Perhaps if you were older…”
But manifested as a droning silence.
And so my life was tainted
With the deeds of a carefree joy
Unsurpassed to this day,
Spent flying through the endless skies.
But, aged and decrepit,
Joy; keeping me aloft this long,
Was destined to come to an end,
As that Joy had given birth to sorrow.
I wait for the return of a life
I’ll never see again,
For what that life entails,
Is lost to me Forever.
I’ll wait today with broken wings,
Until they can be spread,
And soar me beyond the death
That has bound me to the ground.
But alas, I was not made to fly,
Nor my wings made to carry me.
Copyright ©
fielding88
... [
2006-07-18 21:06:25]
(Date/Time posted on
site)
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Re: An Upwards Downturn
(User Rating: 1 )
by Kimmie_mac on
Tuesday, 18th July 2006 @ 09:36:43 PM AEST
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| Good poem. So many conflicting emotions. I like it. |
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Re: An Upwards Downturn
(User Rating: 1 )
by Unbreakable on
Saturday, 22nd July 2006 @ 09:54:36 PM AEST
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This was really well written, I loved it. I've never heard joy talked about in such a sad manor before. It is definitely a different perspective on the topic. I think my favourite thing about this write is the seemingly harmless situations seen from a negative point of view. My favourite lines are "And so my life was tainted, With the deeds of a carefree joy". That something as inocent as joy could taint a life is powerful and thought provoking. And although it's sad, the ending was perfect. Great write Marc.
Krystal |
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Re: An Upwards Downturn
(User Rating: 1 )
by Former_Member on
Tuesday, 25th July 2006 @ 03:40:16 PM AEST
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Very beautiful peice of writting. You love writting and it shows. lovely poem.
Ben |
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Re: An Upwards Downturn
(User Rating: 1 )
by Man_On_High on
Monday, 31st July 2006 @ 09:30:22 PM AEST
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the author's note is deep enough.. a paradox of sorts
and the work, finely written.. (great couplet at the finale).. I echo those very same sentiments-
Billy |
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Re: An Upwards Downturn
(User Rating: 1 )
by RLWildPassions on
Tuesday, 1st August 2006 @ 04:54:12 PM AEST
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| Very nice write, I wrote one perhaps similar... mine is named Awakened Soul, must wait to post it... thank you also for commenting on my poem.. rl |
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Re: An Upwards Downturn
(User Rating: 1 )
by Former_Member on
Wednesday, 2nd August 2006 @ 05:22:32 PM AEST
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Oh my, this is absolutely heartwrenching!! I can
definitely relate. The title held such a fascination for me
and drew me in, but the piece itself is positively exquisite.
There is much to ponder in here ...
this line ..
"As that Joy had given birth to sorrow:
God ... that is incredibly insightful and holds so much truth.
Excellent post, my friend.
~Breezy |
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Re: An Upwards Downturn
(User Rating: 1 )
by Silent-No-More on
Monday, 7th August 2006 @ 11:04:05 PM AEST
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Your author's note on this piece is so incredibly insightful that it made me smile (and then promptly feel somewhat odd for having done so). The work itself is, perhaps, the best I've read of yours... it's glorious, Marc - it truly is. You had me, in fact, by the end of that fabulous first stanza. This piece (ambiguous only, I think, to those that have never felt the same) is telling and speaks of an awareness of one of life's hard truths. I was, I believe, far more naive than you at your age... it was much later that I arrived here, so to speak.
Your conclusion here is compelling. The stanza beginning with "I'll wait..." is insanely moving, whether taken literally or metaphorically. But... it's those last two lines that truly hit hard ---- hard enough that some part of me wants to nod, while another cannot help but to want to deny them. I am left wishing and wanting to see them as being temporary... I do so hope that you find they are (though, of course, they would be no less impactful, and perhaps even more so, if you do).
Nicely done, Marc! I very much enjoyed this.
~Snemmy
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Re: An Upwards Downturn
(User Rating: 1 )
by Former_Member on
Monday, 23rd October 2006 @ 08:16:23 AM AEST
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What gets me most about this piece is how realtable it is. To anyone who has soared and then fallen the words strrike right to the heart.
The last two lines especially wrap this piece up nicely....sigh. |
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Re: An Upwards Downturn
(User Rating: 1 )
by ladyfawn on
Wednesday, 29th August 2007 @ 02:08:32 PM AEST
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exquisitely beautifully written, i am very moved....
hugs n' love nessa
roses
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Re: An Upwards Downturn
(User Rating: 1 )
by richcol7522 on
Wednesday, 29th August 2007 @ 04:17:44 PM AEST
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| Amazingly brilliant...your work is a pleasure to read...I look forward to reading more of your work..thank you for the comment. |
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Re: An Upwards Downturn
(User Rating: 1 )
by brew on
Tuesday, 5th February 2008 @ 01:18:37 PM AEST
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To take such simply, and make deep
To make easy yet hard
To turn words ,.yes great title
What words you pen and make one melt into and think about
brew~ aka dayna |
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Re: An Upwards Downturn
(User Rating: 1 )
by Former_Member on
Sunday, 24th February 2008 @ 08:06:54 PM AEST
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This work alone and in whole is fascinating. A confliction of emotions and a river of deeply moving and heart felt moments leading to a deep and tragic, yet gloriously poetic conclusion.
Joy birthing sorrow...how true is this? How painful, foolish, and poetic a truth! What an honest thought, provoking such a wonderfully connecting work of art!
Your opening....fantastic. You from the beginning connect a personal moment to the truth that others feel the same. Indeed this is rare to see in poetry.
BRAVO!
SCM |
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Re: An Upwards Downturn
(User Rating: 1 )
by Former_Member on
Saturday, 1st March 2008 @ 10:55:56 AM AEST
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| This is an awesome poem. Great Job!! |
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Re: An Upwards Downturn
(User Rating: 1 )
by Oceandreamer on
Sunday, 2nd March 2008 @ 12:23:30 AM AEST
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Awesome write!
There is so much, yet so much more....
Imaginative.
Thanks for sharing.
Well done!
~~Oceandreamer~~ |
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Re: An Upwards Downturn
(User Rating: 1 )
by NoSaint on
Sunday, 30th March 2008 @ 11:20:28 AM AEST
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very interesting and well written poem...thank you for sharing
NS |
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Re: An Upwards Downturn
(User Rating: 1 )
by Jenni_K on
Monday, 19th May 2008 @ 01:18:03 PM AEST
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A mind-boggling piece... Well executed....
Jenni |
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Re: An Upwards Downturn
(User Rating: 1 )
by J-A-X on
Tuesday, 20th May 2008 @ 02:48:22 AM AEST
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I found this poem to be intresting, my friend..and I really like the summary:
"Sorrow is the child of too much Joy, and vice versa"
deep read. |
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Re: An Upwards Downturn
(User Rating: 1 )
by Former_Member on
Saturday, 5th July 2008 @ 03:09:09 AM AEST
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A most comforting write to read, more than you could know . . .
thank you also for your read . . .
Ben |
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