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The Death of Roses
Contributed by
Man_On_High
on
Wednesday, 12th July 2006 @ 10:10:39 PM in AEST
Topic:
surreal
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Is there but, hope to save
Even this ethereal essence from the grave?
Whatever 'scaped Oblivion's subtle wrong
Save a few clarion names,
Or golden threads of song?
Before my musing eye,
The mighty ones of old sweep by,
Disvoiced now; and substantial things
As royalty once, now ghosts of kings-
Shadows of empires, wholly gone to dust
And many people, nameless long ago,
To darkness driven by that imperious gust
Of ever rushing Time, that here doth blow:
Oh visionary world, condition strange,
Where abiding naught, is but only change;
Where the deepest of stars
Still shift and change!
But when they vanish, hence,
Shall they lie forceless in dark below,
Or deepen the roses but a year or two,
Who now, to all, shine sweet as gods?
Was dying all, but they to do?
They were not fruitless, but their souls resent
Such short lived service of sublime event.
B - 2006
Copyright ©
Man_On_High
... [
2006-07-12 22:10:39]
(Date/Time posted on
site)
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Re: The Death of Roses
(User Rating: 1 )
by Dark_and_Cold on
Wednesday, 12th July 2006 @ 10:20:28 PM AEST
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I enjoyed this very much, very old-school. The diction somewhat hinders the overall effect, but for those who enjoy a more classical palate, this should not be too much of an issue.
Many thanks. |
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Re: The Death of Roses
(User Rating: 1 )
by Former_Member on
Wednesday, 12th July 2006 @ 11:33:41 PM AEST
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This isn't surreal. A hippopotamus cooking toast is surreal. Dali is Surreal. Twin peaks is surreal.
A lot of this doesn't make sense. There are some quality lines in s1, and I wish you hadn't strayed from the theme-it was a good one.
This is not classical poetry. Classicism is very dated artistic movement pre-dating romanticism-which is what this is. Here is the conundrum: You have attempted to pen a romantic poem to the theme of surrealism, which came hundreds of years later. Naturally, the content is conflicting.
With revision, and adherence to the theme (which is, like I said, very good) this is entirely workable. I'd ditch the surrealist thing-it doesn't fit.
you're welcome,
black.
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Re: The Death of Roses
(User Rating: 1 )
by Keilantra on
Thursday, 13th July 2006 @ 12:48:28 AM AEST
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Shadows of empires, wholly gone to dust
And many people, nameless long ago,
To darkness driven by that imperious gust
Of ever rushing Time, that here doth blow:
Wow, that was really quite well written. But i think htsat the last to two lines were the best. This is a deep poem, and meaningful. The Death of roses....Nice
xXx
~kei |
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Re: The Death of Roses
(User Rating: 1 )
by Man_On_High on
Thursday, 13th July 2006 @ 01:11:56 AM AEST
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this is literal work my friend..
and so, the idealism behind, souls of roses, (provided they have even have these things).. is surreal enough - and just as much as your proverbial, "hippo cooking toast".
and they, if they could, might find themsleves confounded, upon "such short lived service", I'll say again.
..that you would assume this as romantic, is adjustable.. but understood.
generally speaking, Blake, Wordsworth and *Keats.. (perhaps the most romantic of ALL poets) would be considered as such.
Call this fusion.. and myslef, an amateur at best.. and if not that, a waste of your reading time then-
Because you've found considerable effort to let me know, your opinions speaks volumes of ego-
Thank you.
Billy
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Re: The Death of Roses
(User Rating: 1 )
by Vampirequeen on
Thursday, 13th July 2006 @ 03:47:19 AM AEST
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I for one enjoy this read quite abit.
But when they vanish, hence,
Shall they lie forceless in dark below,
Or deepen the roses but a year or two,
Who now, to all, shine sweet as gods?
Was dying all, but they to do?
love that
hugs
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Re: The Death of Roses
(User Rating: 1 )
by lillyjane on
Thursday, 13th July 2006 @ 04:00:52 AM AEST
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| Beautiful poetry, I enjoyed it very much.. I think such a lot of poetry on here should be published and this is one of them.. xx |
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Re: The Death of Roses
(User Rating: 1 )
by brew on
Thursday, 13th July 2006 @ 07:51:11 AM AEST
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I liked the post immesely. It did give surreal, and then not.! I DO NOT agree with black, whom ever they are.! Seems they are rather crtitcal to many whom have posted.!(such as another, Brandins write, which was given RUDE comments) I beleive all is written from something that the writer feels, experiences, or has.! So let the writer, be the writer, and make their OWN critical judgement. HArsh comments are rude. I Loved this and most of the posts you do , Billy.
Brew~ |
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Re: The Death of Roses
(User Rating: 1 )
by Former_Member on
Thursday, 13th July 2006 @ 08:23:58 PM AEST
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According to definition, this write is surreal enough to be posted as such!
Dearest Billy ~
The Harold Bloom’s of the world be damned! I do not usually (out of respect for the write and the author) take a stand on a previous comment, but in this case I am compelled to offer a word- [and this is but my own humble opinion].. it may be of some interest to a select few, to point out the incongruities and/or misguidance in a write, [in this case wrongly so], in order to fulfill an inherent need to exercise and advertise their knowledge/education, (I can only assume here) and I have complete respect for the preservation AND deliverance of one’s own opinions. However, the swaggering blatant boldness of highlighting a disagreement of “theme” in the manner that it has been done here, shows, to me, a severe lack of courtesy AND humility. Constructive criticism is beneficial only when coupled by integrity, tact and a wealth of dignity. I see none of that on display in black’s assessment. Who, but the very author to pen the write could possibly know the meanings and intentions of the words themselves? We are all, but locked to the limits of our own estimations. This does not label us wrong for our interpretations, but by our own flaws and character do we discover within the write, what we know about ourselves. NOT the other way ‘round.
Now about this write ... I know I already personally shared with you what I feel about this piece, but it bears repeating here, where it can be shared.
As I told you, there is an essence here that is softly moving but with a lingering ache .. .. almost a sorrowed pity. (Especially those last two lines). And, not only that, but it sort of gives the reader, (at least this reader), pause. A pause that allows enough time to reflect that the shortness (time-wise) of certain merciful pleasures or enjoyment of life's beauty, should only energize our convictions to STOP and smell the proverbial roses (sorry for the cliché, but it's so true.)
Your piece brings clarity and credence to that advice. And if we follow this counsel, it can and will ultimately enrich our lives. I think that's, at least in part, what the poem does... [for me].
I think it’s absolutely perfect! And the old world, CLASSIC style is outstanding!!
This, (your piece) is what poetry expressly is ...
Exceptional post!!
~Breezy |
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Re: The Death of Roses
(User Rating: 1 )
by wizard on
Thursday, 13th July 2006 @ 10:43:23 PM AEST
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great write bro! i like it a lot...
poetry is after all an expression of one's own emotion, so who is to say there was ANYTHING wrong with any of it...i think it was perfect.
good job,
wiz |
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Re: The Death of Roses
(User Rating: 1 )
by lostinmyself on
Sunday, 16th July 2006 @ 07:57:27 PM AEST
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I must say, I like this just as it is, and while I won't pretend to understand it, the fact that you understand it should be enough.
Also, the fact that you wrote it and want it like this should be enough. No matter what anyone says. I'll agree with Wiz when I say there is nothing wrong with this.
In fact, I find it creative and well done and not at all like the usual writing I find on YPDC these days. It's unique and actually, kind of refreshing.
Good write, Billy. I do think this is one of your better ones.
*hugs*
Phil xxx |
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Re: The Death of Roses
(User Rating: 1 )
by Former_Member on
Tuesday, 18th July 2006 @ 01:00:31 AM AEST
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P.S.
Romanticism was a movement. No-one can be "perhaps the most romantic....".
They are either in the cannon, or they are not.
Try to have your arguments make sense. Try to have your writing make sense.
black. |
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Re: The Death of Roses
(User Rating: 1 )
by Mangos on
Tuesday, 18th July 2006 @ 05:12:49 PM AEST
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I like the feel to this, it is written as if it were penned hundreds of years ago, and of course the message is still appropriate all these years later….
Perfection from an artist
nice
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Re: The Death of Roses
(User Rating: 1 )
by Man_On_High on
Tuesday, 18th July 2006 @ 07:33:20 PM AEST
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It's not the critique itself.. I didn't mind it at all.. infact I was just speaking to someone, about the level of intuition and knowledge you have, of poetry.. (though yours, in general, leaves much to be desired) - It's the arrogant and egotistical way in which you "left" the comment:
"your welcome?"
..lol please..
I may have reacted in a rash manner, and I apologize for that. when you can see fit to come down off your "high horse" and join the rest of us, I might actually like to learn a thing or two from you.. if you would
but until then ..go on and darken someone else's sky.
Sincerely-
B. |
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Re: The Death of Roses
(User Rating: 1 )
by starry_night on
Thursday, 17th August 2006 @ 08:21:21 PM AEST
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This reminds me of the writings of neptunes_first ... another gifted poet ...
Love the idea behind this ... a very enjoyable read ... |
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