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Gaining Death

Contributed by Fiona on Sunday, 9th February 2003 @ 02:40:00 PM in AEST
Topic: Suicide



Concave, emaciated, underweight.
These are the words I have grown to hate
I hurt, I scream, I pull at my skin
Nothing is good enough- I cannot win

My body is useless- my life, a mess
Thinking about food is a constant stress
Self-starvation, laxatives, relentless strife
I can’t believe I’m living this same stupid life

The pain, the hate-I’m messed in the head
Every morning I wake up- I wish I were dead
Frustrations, irritation- every pound, every inch
You’d think losing weight would be more of a cinch

The knife that I cut with is the same kind of tool
I’m driven to go on-I’m being played by a fool
Anorexia lives in me- she encourages my demise
And I take her advice-even though it’s not wise

I binge, I vomit- I gain weight, I run
This repetitive act is no longer fun
My jeans are now baggy- the fat is all gone
Can’t anyone see that my life has gone wrong?

Recovery is too far- I just want to die
I’m sick of the hurt- I don’t want to lie
I’m nauseous, I’m achy
my whole body’s in pain
I lost all the weight
but its death that I’ve gained




Copyright © Fiona ... [ 2003-02-09 14:40:00]
(Date/Time posted on site)





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Re: Gaining Death (User Rating: 1 )
by ed on Sunday, 9th February 2003 @ 02:51:08 PM AEST
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I hope you sort it out. only you can. Im sorry but I cant personally coomment on your situation but this is a brilliant piece of work that has compelled me to write a comment. Good luck.


Re: Gaining Death (User Rating: 1 )
by wyrd_faerie on Sunday, 9th February 2003 @ 03:01:50 PM AEST
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this is an unbelievable poem...it's amazing...and so, so true...


Re: Gaining Death (User Rating: 1 )
by Cici on Sunday, 9th February 2003 @ 03:11:43 PM AEST
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I totally understand i went thru this a while back and you will eventually get better, it takes time along time but you will get better. I thought this poem was brillantly accurate keep up the good work.

Claire


Re: Gaining Death (User Rating: 1 )
by kegs04 on Sunday, 9th February 2003 @ 05:03:53 PM AEST
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this poem really hit home for me. Just recently i was on the verge of becoming anorexic; but thankfully i have many friends who love and care about me and they helped me realize what i was doing to myself, before it got too horribly far. Thank you so much for this poem. It made me realize once again what could have happened, and also made me all the more thankful that i am recovering, and that i am doing it all on my own will.
peace out
~"kegs"


Re: Gaining Death (User Rating: 1 )
by Bizzy on Tuesday, 11th February 2003 @ 01:53:42 AM AEST
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Dear Fiona, from your introduction note, I did not get the empression that this was your pro-blem, personally, but you certainly are close enough to someone who is. You have good understanding of the subject and write well about it. Perhaps that will help someone to avoid it. Bizzy


Re: Gaining Death (User Rating: 1 )
by Fiona on Tuesday, 11th February 2003 @ 03:04:13 AM AEST
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Bizzy, if you only knew...


Re: Gaining Death (User Rating: 1 )
by LadyDama on Wednesday, 12th February 2003 @ 04:11:12 PM AEST
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this poem is amazing... well written... and thought provoking... i can relate only to the anorexic part, but have had several friends and relatives with the cutting part... and my mother with the bulimia... these diseases are worse than death, and then death seems such a comfort... but, as you see, and i have found... writing is even better than that... blessings to you... please keep writing it out...


Re: Gaining Death (User Rating: 1 )
by merge on Friday, 21st February 2003 @ 02:45:04 AM AEST
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Wow! Look babe. Everyone loves your poetry. I can understand how you feel.. constantly striving. Love your body cause it's the only one you got.


Re: Gaining Death (User Rating: 1 )
by hardcoreputa on Friday, 28th February 2003 @ 05:06:50 PM AEST
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this poem is completely awsome. it makes me think of when i was anorexic... i hope u get through this and i agree it is a lot like suicide....


Re: Gaining Death (User Rating: 1 )
by perfection on Wednesday, 3rd March 2004 @ 01:02:35 AM AEST
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Great Job!
I know that I can relate to that completely!
xoxo


Re: Gaining Death (User Rating: 1 )
by allie_07 on Friday, 18th March 2011 @ 03:06:13 PM AEST
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such an amazing write.




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