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File Under U
Contributed by
FreeLanceDub
on
Tuesday, 4th July 2006 @ 01:00:18 AM in AEST
Topic:
sarcasticpoetry
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Maybe I’ll pretend it too
Think I’m a big shot with so much to loose
Maybe a cappuccino will slate my desire to stand
Alone
Maybe all this free thinking is
Bringing my success rate down.
Maybe I should buy the sporty car that
Louds down the road
Maybe I should hit the gym and call these ladies
Those.
Maybe all my problem is, is sitting here writing all this
Down.
Instead maybe I should be at some dank dark bar
Telling some girl “That mustang’s my car!”
And then maybe we could go to her place
We could go to mine, but my mom might mind
And I could treat like soil and then she’d foil my best attempt
To make her hate me.
Then the comes the room with the bed and the things in my head
Good god have mercy
Is it normal to think this way?
Or am I just a guy who doesn’t know another way
Maybe all I know about romance is Cinemax and
Slow dance.
Maybe it’s all me for not getting on that scene
But that scene ain’t for me. That scene’s obscene.
And for all the one nights these girls have had,
Who knows what kind of Rx is in their bags
Excuses excuses
I’m the king of them all
Take a walk onto the mountain and fall.
Maintain an image as a part of the game.
Take a little look inside the brass frame.
The things you want are the things unnamed.
You say want love and money, and all that’s all you know
What love what money? Where does it go?
I tell where it goes. File under “U” for unnamed.
My problems unique? Ha. They’re all the same.
Copyright ©
FreeLanceDub
... [
2006-07-04 01:00:18]
(Date/Time posted on
site)
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Re: File Under U
(User Rating: 1 )
by Former_Member on
Tuesday, 4th July 2006 @ 02:51:53 AM AEST
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a Message)
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I don't usually read sarcastic poetry.
Perhaps I should, more often.
This piece is amusingly witty and refreshing.
You begin strongly with a rhetorical.
Immediately you engage the audience and allow for correlation through 1st person.
You have used an interesting choice of words and structure.
Such as:
“Alone”.
You isolate the word, itself, portraying a further message of remoteness or loneliness.
I really enjoyed this:
“Maybe all this free thinking is
Bringing my success rate down.”
I often feel very similar, perhaps more than I care to admit.
Limitlessness is difficult when our minds our so restricted.
Uncertainty often clouds. It is overwhelming at times, despite freedom, the masses still insist on guiding others as to how to live our lives, how to think and express ourselves. They define “normality” and bestow judgement when the criteria isn’t met.
”Maybe I should buy the sporty car that
Louds down the road”.
Materialism and carnivorous consumerism… our large corporate companies can only pick at the lint left over from the emptiness of our pockets.
I liked this!
”And I could treat her like soil and then she’d foil my best attempt
To make her hate me.”
You have used an interesting rhyme scheme!
”And for all the one nights these girls have had,
Who knows what kind of Rx is in their bags”
Haha. Nice. STD treatment, perhaps?
I really enjoyed this piece.
Thank you for sharing it with us!
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Re: File Under U
(User Rating: 1 )
by Ruby2sdy on
Tuesday, 4th July 2006 @ 08:28:05 AM AEST
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I won't write an essay about how much I enjoyed it, but I honestly did!! Very witty and thoughtful, an awesomely dry sense of irony, pretty damn cool!!!
2sdyx |
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Re: File Under U
(User Rating: 1 )
by poet_in_waiting on
Tuesday, 4th July 2006 @ 10:06:02 AM AEST
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Great job capturing the angst ... now i know what all those civic drivin guys are thinking when thery're "louding" past
cheers
sean |
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Re: File Under U
(User Rating: 1 )
by shelby on
Tuesday, 4th July 2006 @ 07:44:35 PM AEST
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a Message)
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I think everyone else summed it up well.
This is great!
Michelle |
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Re: File Under U
(User Rating: 1 )
by wizard on
Tuesday, 4th July 2006 @ 10:12:47 PM AEST
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a Message)
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what an awesome write...i love it!
wiz |
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