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Better Stop or You’ll Go Blind
Contributed by
Jyssvw22
on
Monday, 3rd July 2006 @ 09:10:36 PM in AEST
Topic:
oops
|
And with a single act of creativity
All the longing has come to its climax
The questions pondered while reviewing the history
Have now been challenged, responded, and less freighting
There is something to be said for the greatness
There is plenty to be had for, and less to be thankless
When second chances are offered they are meant for the taking
And it is this self assurance that I am currently embracing
Times of worry over nothing to be worried about-
Has its benefits when later finding out
As it becomes revealed in the white box that yields
So many personal messages around and around a connected path
Although it all started so innocent at first
There was bound to be hurt tossed at weak minds
Thermafrost at peak solar times
Wind chimes hung on perpendicular vines
As the clangs turned to chatter among the nine lives
The variables come into play far later then the act itself
A smack of reality sits and hunts the future from a shelf
Entrapped winds held captive by their own ailing health
Prevailing storms scatter the sky as one star births, another,
and another, until the poor have divided all the worlds wealth
Sketches of the final versions are often raw and on point
Coin the expression before the roller seals the sticky side-
Jointly, combine all available brains into one mechanism of fluid thought
Let free hands and clean feet collide into one strand of elastic rope
Carved in the genetic code, only after the first follower slips and chokes
_____________
_______________________
Copyright ©
Jyssvw22
... [
2006-07-03 21:10:36]
(Date/Time posted on
site)
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Re: Better Stop or You’ll Go Blind
(User Rating: 1 )
by Former_Member on
Tuesday, 4th July 2006 @ 02:08:03 AM AEST
(User
Info | Send
a Message)
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I feel a sense of continuity, here, as you being with “And”…
This technique is subtle and effective.
There is a gentle obscurity that follows the piece around each bend, to the very conclusion.
You certainly have a way with expression. Your words are confident and mindfully, rich.
I particularly took interest and much enjoyment from these lines:
“Prevailing storms scatter the sky as one star births, another,
and another, until the poor have divided all the worlds wealth”.
Your poem feels somewhat biological. Like a blueprint for life and existence.
”Sketches of the final versions are often raw and on point”
Wow. Those last two lines are rather powerful. Strong with purpose and meaning.
They reinforce the entirety of the piece itself. Metaphoric ambiguity.
Two of my favourite things!
Well done.
And thank you for sharing your talents with us.
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Re: Better Stop or You’ll Go Blind
(User Rating: 1 )
by DharmaBum on
Tuesday, 12th October 2010 @ 03:43:11 PM AEST
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a Message)
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'Wind chimes hung on perpendicular vines
As the clangs turned to chatter among the nine lives'.
- Can't get much better then this, my favorite lines in your poem.
A very interesting a captivating poem, you sparkled my imagination with all sorts of different images. Thanks so much! |
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