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Rape. Rage. Revenge.
Contributed by
xoXOSaDiEOXox
on
Thursday, 29th June 2006 @ 09:43:39 AM in AEST
Topic:
oops
|
I cower in a corner,
Hoping this is some kind of nightmare.
I wonder if anyone knows.
Does anyone really care?
I look in the mirror,
Black and blue round one eye.
I feel my tears gather,
I begin to cry.
I feel nothing.
Just emptiness inside.
I begin to search for a safe place,
A safe place where I can hide.
I hear his footsteps
Upon the stair.
I freeze, he’s coming,
I don’t move, I don’t dare.
The handle on the door,
It begins to turn,
I hoped it would be OK…
… I never learn.
He begins to advance at me.
I try to back away.
He pushes me on the floor
And there I lay.
He tugs at my clothes,
No way! I’d rather be dead.
I reach out for anything – a bottle.
I smash it over his head.
He blinks once or twice,
Then the blood starts to run,
Death is dawning upon him,
The countdown begun.
Copyright ©
xoXOSaDiEOXox
... [
2006-06-29 09:43:39]
(Date/Time posted on
site)
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Re: Rape. Rage. Revenge.
(User Rating: 1 )
by Kimberlynn on
Thursday, 29th June 2006 @ 02:01:51 PM AEST
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| Okay...It was really good. But did that really happen? Cause if it did, you rock for fighting back! |
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Re: Rape. Rage. Revenge.
(User Rating: 1 )
by Shyne on
Thursday, 29th June 2006 @ 09:21:23 PM AEST
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| Man! That is a spoken word of toughness and courage. |
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Re: Rape. Rage. Revenge.
(User Rating: 1 )
by Aeris030388 on
Friday, 30th June 2006 @ 05:04:18 AM AEST
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| My heart goes out to anyone who went through thiis. Nice write though... -Roxanne. |
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Re: Rape. Rage. Revenge.
(User Rating: 1 )
by ravensofthedark on
Friday, 3rd November 2006 @ 10:35:08 AM AEST
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| its a awesome poem, just the title is totally wrong, try making a different more on topic of the poem title, but other than that i think it's cool |
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Re: Rape. Rage. Revenge.
(User Rating: 1 )
by pickles on
Saturday, 4th November 2006 @ 04:35:35 PM AEST
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| Wow. That is really good. That should really be a song or something. |
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Re: Rape. Rage. Revenge.
(User Rating: 1 )
by Honey56 on
Tuesday, 7th November 2006 @ 10:28:32 AM AEST
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Great write..Praying you did'nt have to go thru this in life..
Blessing
honey56 |
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Re: Rape. Rage. Revenge.
(User Rating: 1 )
by Former_Member on
Monday, 20th November 2006 @ 05:52:04 AM AEST
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| this was a really good poem. Keep it up! |
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Re: Rape. Rage. Revenge.
(User Rating: 1 )
by Teusday-Moon on
Friday, 15th December 2006 @ 04:37:24 PM AEST
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| I thought it was sad and yet beutiful. I'm glad that the character was fighting back, though. |
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Re: Rape. Rage. Revenge.
(User Rating: 1 )
by igba on
Monday, 18th December 2006 @ 01:36:03 PM AEST
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| explosive,dynamite.simply cool.keep it up |
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Re: Rape. Rage. Revenge.
(User Rating: 1 )
by Channing on
Monday, 1st January 2007 @ 01:05:17 AM AEST
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Excellent and scary poem, I have written a similiar one titled The Story The Moon Told, check it out if you want to.
-Channing- |
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Re: Rape. Rage. Revenge.
(User Rating: 1 )
by angelrae on
Thursday, 25th January 2007 @ 11:34:20 AM AEST
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| great write, I do believe the title to this poem is off. This poem is sad yet so courageous. |
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Re: Rape. Rage. Revenge.
(User Rating: 1 )
by Butterat_Zool on
Thursday, 22nd February 2007 @ 02:59:34 PM AEST
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I can see why this is the most-read poem on the site. It's very strong and easy to empathize with. I wonder if you could write this same thing without using "I" or "me". Maybe not, but it'd make the poem more personally applicable to the reader and emphasize the fear element a little more.
I can see where you're going with the last stanza -- this man attacked you and you killed him, but i think there's a better way to say that. There's a shift in tone and perspective that weakens your ending. Maybe something like "his blood drips on my chin" and then spend the last two lines describing him screaming or fainting or convulsing before he dies.
I hope this doesn't come across as insensitive. This is a powerful piece, and you have my sympathies. I just see a few spots where it could be even more forceful. Also, i thought the title was spot on. Having "rage" and then "revenge" may be a little redundant, but that's for you to decide.
Keep up the good writing!
BZ. |
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Re: Rape. Rage. Revenge.
(User Rating: 1 )
by MG_Akela22090 on
Saturday, 24th March 2007 @ 01:31:28 PM AEST
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| Amazing. I really like this poem. Keep writing ;) |
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Re: Rape. Rage. Revenge.
(User Rating: 1 )
by 5MinutePoet on
Thursday, 21st February 2008 @ 08:57:33 AM AEST
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Ok, i'll start with one positive before one negative.
Positive would be for me the pace, it ambled along at a nice waltz.
However i don't belive it ended. I won't start to give you my opinion on ow you should write your work, but i waill say that i didn't regard that as an ending.
The countdown begun doesn't make a convincing closing line.
But keep writing |
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Re: Rape. Rage. Revenge.
(User Rating: 1 )
by 5MinutePoet on
Thursday, 21st February 2008 @ 08:57:40 AM AEST
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Ok, i'll start with one positive before one negative.
Positive would be for me the pace, it ambled along at a nice waltz.
However i don't belive it ended. I won't start to give you my opinion on how you should write your work, but i waill say that i didn't regard that as an ending.
The countdown begun doesn't make a convincing closing line.
But keep writing |
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Re: Rape. Rage. Revenge.
(User Rating: 1 )
by iloveyouso on
Friday, 25th July 2008 @ 02:26:08 AM AEST
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| powerful poem |
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Re: Rape. Rage. Revenge.
(User Rating: 1 )
by wheels on
Friday, 25th July 2008 @ 02:40:06 AM AEST
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WOW!
not much I can add to this.
--kevin |
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Re: Rape. Rage. Revenge.
(User Rating: 1 )
by Dizzy99 on
Thursday, 11th September 2008 @ 07:47:24 AM AEST
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| great poem. Really sad. Hope this didnt happen to u. |
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Re: Rape. Rage. Revenge.
(User Rating: 1 )
by ItsMeNow on
Saturday, 21st February 2009 @ 11:06:39 AM AEST
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| Wow! It's... wow! |
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Re: Rape. Rage. Revenge.
(User Rating: 1 )
by Crookedpoet09 on
Monday, 2nd March 2009 @ 05:27:09 PM AEST
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| You are able to get an image of a bare room, with this bruised, young woman hearing the guy come upstairs and before she knows it, he's bleeding to death. I love this poem because it conveys such a strong image. I hope you didn't go through this, no-one deserves to experience it. |
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Re: Rape. Rage. Revenge.
(User Rating: 1 )
by creactivity on
Thursday, 2nd July 2009 @ 10:27:39 AM AEST
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| Very powerful but tragic. |
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Re: Rape. Rage. Revenge.
(User Rating: 1 )
by jaeann on
Sunday, 25th October 2009 @ 12:46:56 PM AEST
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| you would have to be in it or know of it to understand the countdown begun part...it is perfect...switch the tables...watch death ebb away like an hourglass....the same way a spirit does during this type of terror......and continues to do so each day thereafter.........you nailed this one.....perfection.... |
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Re: Rape. Rage. Revenge.
(User Rating: 1 )
by simonwrite on
Wednesday, 4th November 2009 @ 11:42:46 AM AEST
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| harsh, intense, real, good job |
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Re: Rape. Rage. Revenge.
(User Rating: 1 )
by mrdavid on
Sunday, 11th April 2010 @ 11:19:13 PM AEST
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| good job. could almost see it happen. |
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Re: Rape. Rage. Revenge.
(User Rating: 1 )
by JKaiLee on
Saturday, 19th June 2010 @ 01:59:20 AM AEST
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dead and motionless there he layed
he deserved it for what happened that day
keep fighting on... those scum should be wiped off the face of the earth... |
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Re: Rape. Rage. Revenge.
(User Rating: 1 )
by Avataar on
Thursday, 24th June 2010 @ 06:29:24 AM AEST
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| Love this poem |
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Re: Rape. Rage. Revenge.
(User Rating: 1 )
by TsunamiWaverider on
Monday, 16th August 2010 @ 06:37:30 PM AEST
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| You murdered the guy? Yikes!! |
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Re: Rape. Rage. Revenge.
(User Rating: 1 )
by tinybitinsane on
Saturday, 4th September 2010 @ 09:12:42 PM AEST
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| i love this!! |
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Re: Rape. Rage. Revenge.
(User Rating: 1 )
by trackiller2006 on
Friday, 19th November 2010 @ 06:00:38 PM AEST
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This is one of the most profound writes I have come across in a long time. And if this is something that you have lived through then I applaud you in your strength to defy and share this with the world. I am forever a fan.
The Poet of Evil
Jason |
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Re: Rape. Rage. Revenge.
(User Rating: 1 )
by anon1 on
Tuesday, 21st December 2010 @ 08:31:10 AM AEST
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| Well Done! Giving as they deserve. |
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Re: Rape. Rage. Revenge.
(User Rating: 1 )
by wr on
Tuesday, 22nd March 2011 @ 12:52:13 PM AEST
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| Such a sad poem. Very well written, though. |
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