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tell.........
Contributed by
Destiny
on
Saturday, 8th February 2003 @ 11:40:00 PM in AEST
Topic:
oops
|
I look up at you from the floor where I lie
I heard voices telling me to be brave yet still I cry
everything's dark the only thing I can see is your face
hot tears spill down my cheeks
if this is my fate then be what it must
I didn't know I'd be going so soon
so many times I wished for death
but here it is and I want to wish it away
your face begins to sway
my vision starts to fade
I try to hold on but can't
god help me
who're those people in the room that I can hear?
they're reaching for me saying my time is near
I'm not ready please don't take me
I hear another voice saying that someone will be gone soon
who's going?
I can't think straight
please help me think
I'm falling into darkness
at the brink of ending
tell my mom I'm not mad anymore
tell my dad I love him and thanks for being there
tell my friends I'll miss them and they were all great
tell.....
Copyright ©
Destiny
... [
2003-02-08 23:40:00]
(Date/Time posted on
site)
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Re: tell.........
(User Rating: 1 )
by TheSpiritx on
Sunday, 9th February 2003 @ 12:05:33 AM AEST
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a Message)
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First off, welcome to YPDC. Glad to have you among our community.
I enjoyed reading this poem. It reminds me of a story I read many years entitled Play and written by Jane Pek. The message... and the method of expression are good. I also enjoy the imagery and mindframe description you used. Thanks for posting. |
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Re: tell.........
(User Rating: 1 )
by karoody on
Sunday, 9th February 2003 @ 12:33:42 AM AEST
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a Message)
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| Very good. Keep them coming, please! |
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Re: tell.........
(User Rating: 1 )
by markrise on
Sunday, 18th May 2003 @ 01:32:45 PM AEST
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a Message)
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| really good, really emotive, was weird to read, struck a chord. thanks :o) mark |
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Re: tell.........
(User Rating: 1 )
by TheSpiritx on
Saturday, 15th July 2006 @ 03:16:09 AM AEST
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a Message)
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I came back to this poem and re-read it. I still love the presentation from the point of view of the individual and your imagery where you ask "who're those people in the room that I can't hear?" is wonderful.
The confusion of the individual at the end is strong, too, and helps to round the poem out.
The trailing ellipses punctuates the effect and makes me feel the poem. I love this piece. |
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