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The Blade of Fate
Contributed by
Lucid_Tides
on
Tuesday, 20th June 2006 @ 09:58:15 PM in AEST
Topic:
SadPoetry
|
She was a fallen angel
snuffed by fearful hate
They found her on this dawn of death
By the lonley Blade of Fate
She led me to asunder
For my embrace I did not share
I always felt so guilty
Because she never knew I cared
If only I caressed her
With these scarred arms, embrace
Now I am the haunted
By her once so bitter face
If she would have only knew
Albeit, it's far to late
She's now taken far away
By this lonely Blade of Fate
Is it that my words arn't lucid?
I sense the carnage of her blood,
Leaking past her wrist
Where this blade of fate meekly cut
Why didn't I embrace her?
Behind this veil I stood
In this blood, we would have laved
Like this darkest heaven would
Bely my weal
She felt so low in this state
Wouldst you grant me this tryst?
Beside this lonely Blade of Fate
Now I lay snuffed
Thus, I shall meet this weary blade
I will see her soon again
By this Lonely Blade of Fate
Copyright ©
Lucid_Tides
... [
2006-06-20 21:58:15]
(Date/Time posted on
site)
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Re: The Blade of Fate
(User Rating: 1 )
by Former_Member on
Wednesday, 21st June 2006 @ 12:19:36 AM AEST
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a Message)
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This piece...complete with enchanting words.
First stanza, gentle but firm...
Fluent expressions, built on a stable current-like rhyme sceme.
"Dawn of death" --an interesting set of words... almost paradoxical. Sensical, though and picturesque.
Some vivid illustrations...
"With these scarred arms, embrace
Now I am the haunted
By her once so bitter face"
The title and poem-content is well utilised and shows consistency and strong foundation for purpose.
The message becomes most clear towards the ending...As does the literal meaning of your title.
A dark piece...reminds me of Romeo and Juliet.
Well Done! |
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Re: The Blade of Fate
(User Rating: 1 )
by Kevin on
Wednesday, 21st June 2006 @ 12:56:46 AM AEST
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Info | Send
a Message)
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Excellent poem, i really loved this one a lot. It was very dark and a bit scary, parts literally gave me the chills.
"s it that my words arn't lucid?
I sense the carnage of her blood,
Leaking past her wrist
Where this blade of fate meekly cut "
those lines right there especially sent a shiver up my spine. Excellent work again, please keep it up
-Kevin |
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Re: The Blade of Fate
(User Rating: 1 )
by Davinah on
Wednesday, 21st June 2006 @ 02:02:09 AM AEST
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a Message)
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This is a really beautiful and sad poem...
Nice work!
~Davinah~ |
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Re: The Blade of Fate
(User Rating: 1 )
by Vampirequeen on
Wednesday, 21st June 2006 @ 02:46:25 AM AEST
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a Message)
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Bely my weal
She felt so low in this state
Wouldst you grant me this tryst?
Beside this lonely Blade of Fate
very impressive
wow i really like your stuff lol
take care |
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