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last ounce of anticipation
Contributed by
priss
on
Monday, 19th June 2006 @ 06:38:25 PM in AEST
Topic:
LostLove
|
the flowers won't grow
the stars shine dim
a house cold and vacant
because you left me again.
my hopes are once more defeated
as i wait for the moon's return
i gasp my last ounce of anticipation
and my heart begins to yearn.
i'd close my eyes forever
and think no more of the light
the passion and life would escape me
i'd take my love and disappear in the night,
if never again you held me
if ever the candle wicks burned to their end
if my name is no more uttered from your mouth
i no longer could pretend
that i didn't want you.
Copyright ©
priss
... [
2006-06-19 18:38:25]
(Date/Time posted on
site)
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Re: last ounce of anticipation
(User Rating: 1 )
by ever1der on
Monday, 19th June 2006 @ 09:19:03 PM AEST
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Info | Send
a Message)
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| The candle is a lovely metaphor..nice job. |
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Re: last ounce of anticipation
(User Rating: 1 )
by Davinah on
Tuesday, 20th June 2006 @ 05:44:05 AM AEST
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a Message)
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Ah, this is a very nice write.
I really liked the ending:
"if my name is no more uttered from your mouth
i no longer could pretend
that i didn't want you."
SUPERB!
Great stuff!
~Davinah~
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Re: last ounce of anticipation
(User Rating: 1 )
by myselfindreams on
Tuesday, 20th June 2006 @ 12:45:25 PM AEST
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| in the begin, to start, almost started to write your poem for you, this is how excellent it is, makes a reader want to pick up a pen and go with it |
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Re: last ounce of anticipation
(User Rating: 1 )
by artjunkiekyle on
Thursday, 22nd June 2006 @ 07:07:39 PM AEST
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a Message)
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| My favorite! it was b- e- a- utiful!!!! |
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