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--After all of this *****--
Contributed by
honesty_strikes_my_pen
on
Thursday, 15th June 2006 @ 11:17:21 PM in AEST
Topic:
EmotionalPoetry
|
My heart is numb,
My body's weak.
My mind's confused,
I cannot speak.
One day he's here,
the next he's gone.
Sometimes I fear,
I won't move on.
I lie awake,
the night's not bright.
I start to remember the 1st time,
we talked all night.
I hate remembering
being with you before.
It hurts remembering you,
when you're not here anymore.
I don't want to remember
the times you made me laugh.
Because I know-
those are the last times we'll have.
I want to forget you,
and everything I am feeling.
Because I know you are the only one,
who knows how I'm dealing.
But you aren't here
to help me through.
I don't know what to do...
I won't ever be with you.
Copyright ©
honesty_strikes_my_pen
... [
2006-06-15 23:17:21]
(Date/Time posted on
site)
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Re: --After all of this *****--
(User Rating: 1 )
by a7x36 on
Friday, 16th June 2006 @ 12:26:16 AM AEST
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Info | Send
a Message)
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| i think the rhyme scheme takes away a lot of the passion of the poem |
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Re: --After all of this *****--
(User Rating: 1 )
by wolf_tamer on
Friday, 16th June 2006 @ 12:29:16 AM AEST
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it's hard, but there are others. you'll find your true one and only someday. i hope it's soon.
~wolf~ |
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Re: --After all of this *****--
(User Rating: 1 )
by poet_in_waiting on
Friday, 16th June 2006 @ 10:30:23 AM AEST
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a Message)
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i agree with the rhyme comment, but i do like the poem .. it plays like a song to me .. a pretty good sad song
nice!! |
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Re: --After all of this *****--
(User Rating: 1 )
by bronzen on
Friday, 16th June 2006 @ 03:36:15 PM AEST
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| moving is best we can not waste time in situations that can't be repaired our minds need to be centered elsewhere |
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Re: --After all of this *****--
(User Rating: 1 )
by Former_Member on
Friday, 16th June 2006 @ 10:12:28 PM AEST
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Poetry can continue virtually ad finitum.
You can extend this by switching the form of the assonance, eg.
In the lines I don't know what to do, I won't ever be with you- The assonance is on the "oo'' sounding vowels. Naturally, depending on the size and strength of your vocabulary, you could continue with this but I Would recommend switching the assonance to "ee" sounding vowels, such as
be
me
sea
see
green
mean,
and so forth.
you're welcome,
black. |
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Re: --After all of this *****--
(User Rating: 1 )
by snowflake on
Saturday, 17th June 2006 @ 08:57:39 PM AEST
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a Message)
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Thanks for the comment on my poem "Heartborken" it was greatly appreciated. I enjoyed reading this, and I have to agree with what you said I can relate to this thanks for sharing this wonderful piece. hope you continue writing Love N peace
-SNOwflaKE- |
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