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Stardust
Contributed by
candysears
on
Monday, 12th June 2006 @ 06:08:20 PM in AEST
Topic:
EmotionalPoetry
|
I held my head up high in
The cloud..
The stardust sprinkle in tune
Yet waves and dance to the
Old minstrel band
With broken strings, cords all
Out of tune..
But the minstrel band just pay
No never mind,
Just played on with broken strings,
Cords all out of tune..
Life reflections undefined, in
Depth the soul lives on..
Silently the soul whispers with
Broken wings..
The stardust sprinkle in tune
Sustain each tear,
With broken strings, cords all
Out of tune..
Yet waves and dance to the old
Minstrel band,
With silver teardrops filling the
Soul,
From broken wings, soul silently
Whispers..
Copyright ©
candysears
... [
2006-06-12 18:08:20]
(Date/Time posted on
site)
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Re: Stardust
(User Rating: 1 )
by bronzen on
Monday, 12th June 2006 @ 06:21:11 PM AEST
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a Message)
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| very beautiful |
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Re: Stardust
(User Rating: 1 )
by wizard on
Monday, 12th June 2006 @ 06:23:26 PM AEST
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a Message)
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beautifully done...your emotion flows nicely in this..
wiz |
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Re: Stardust
(User Rating: 1 )
by Former_Member on
Monday, 12th June 2006 @ 07:36:03 PM AEST
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You write very true 2 life poetry i feel like i'm reading in a poetry book. lovely and constiant work u present. Your quite good and a very noticable style u posses.
Ben |
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Re: Stardust
(User Rating: 1 )
by Eternal_Dreamer on
Monday, 12th June 2006 @ 08:02:08 PM AEST
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a Message)
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A sad, yet beautifully penned write. You have expressed urself so well in this piece. Ur reader feels ur emotions through ur words. Well done and keep penning.
warm hugs,
~*suzie Q*~ |
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Re: Stardust
(User Rating: 1 )
by Man_On_High on
Monday, 12th June 2006 @ 08:48:58 PM AEST
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I can only agree with Ben on your style and talent..
it's second to none~
Great work-
Billy |
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Re: Stardust
(User Rating: 1 )
by lostsubconscience on
Tuesday, 13th June 2006 @ 02:48:55 AM AEST
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| really enjoyed it, great write |
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Re: Stardust
(User Rating: 1 )
by Fionndruinne on
Tuesday, 13th June 2006 @ 05:50:16 AM AEST
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This is quite lovely. The repetition works very well. A few of the lines feel like the grammatical devices didn't quite match, such as the lines
The stardust sprinkle in tune
Yet waves and dance to the
It seems, depending on which meaning you wanted, it should be "The stardust sprinkles in tune/ Yet waves and dances to the" or else, perhaps, the first line stays as is, but the next still needs the 's' on "dance". This is minor, though and doesn't detract from the piece that much.
Well done!
Andrew |
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