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she bleeds to live again
Contributed by
blackrose233
on
Wednesday, 7th June 2006 @ 09:59:36 PM in AEST
Topic:
EmotionalPoetry
|
What once was a shining star now that of a burnt light bulb, no more hope in those once bountiful eyes
Inside she cries, the scars on her arms speak their own words
Her mind is in denial, she bleeds she bleeds and the tears are released as blood
She bleeds, she bleeds out of every pore in hope of feeling alive once more
Copyright ©
blackrose233
... [
2006-06-07 21:59:36]
(Date/Time posted on
site)
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Re: she bleeds to live again
(User Rating: 1 )
by Former_Member on
Wednesday, 7th June 2006 @ 10:43:57 PM AEST
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a Message)
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this is pretty good writing, but i would change "bountiful" to "beautiful." you dont have to, its just a suggestion.
otherwise, good write |
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Re: she bleeds to live again
(User Rating: 1 )
by blackprayer on
Thursday, 8th June 2006 @ 09:25:30 AM AEST
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What once was a shining star now that of a burnt light bulb,
no more hope in those once beautiful eyes
Inside she cries,
and the scars on her arms speak
their own words
Her mind is in denial, she bleeds
she cries rivers of blood
She bleeds, she bleeds out of every pore in hope of feeling alive once more
I would change the last stanza... That and break up the poem a little so it doesn't have a run on feeling once posted. Remember once posted they are centered. Outside of that and making it longer, you really just have to find your own style and what works for you. It was a good poem and honestly there was nothing wrong with it. I do agree with the beautiful part though. :) |
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Re: she bleeds to live again
(User Rating: 1 )
by bronzen on
Friday, 9th June 2006 @ 01:30:45 AM AEST
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a Message)
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| nice write |
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Re: she bleeds to live again
(User Rating: 1 )
by Whisper on
Tuesday, 13th June 2006 @ 04:14:03 PM AEST
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I don't understand this one She bleeds becoz of the burnt out light bulp ? There should be more words for reasoning why she's looking to scratch to stay alive . Gee this one is a confusion. Helter Skelter
Whisper |
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Re: she bleeds to live again
(User Rating: 1 )
by Former_Member on
Monday, 25th September 2006 @ 04:10:16 PM AEST
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a Message)
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| very emotional i completly understand what you were saying. i didnt find it confusing |
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