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Don't
Contributed by
Spasmodic_Reality
on
Friday, 7th February 2003 @ 10:00:00 AM in AEST
Topic:
EmotionalPoetry
|
i don't want to be here..
when i could be in your arms..
don't want to be alone..
when i could be in your heart..
i hate to frown..
knowing you make me smile..
don't want to hurt..
but can't help but cry..
i don't want to walk away..
knowing it makes her smile..
i don't want to stay..
when all i can do is cry..
*i'm not good at finishing poems..*
Copyright ©
Spasmodic_Reality
... [
2003-02-07 10:00:00]
(Date/Time posted on
site)
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Re: Don't
(User Rating: 1 )
by Sexygirl on
Friday, 7th February 2003 @ 11:23:21 AM AEST
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a Message)
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| Your wrong here...your the artist of words....you have covered so much emotions...I wouldn't change a thing... |
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Re: Don't
(User Rating: 1 )
by TheSpiritx on
Friday, 7th February 2003 @ 11:50:28 AM AEST
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a Message)
|
You have a good start. Once you're at this point, you might want to try taking the ideas you wrote down and displaying them in alternate methods... you have a 4 line stanza right now. You can take your meaning and your feelings and rearrange them into smaller or larger stanzas to aid you in developing more of the poem. This process causes you to think about how to best get your point across, and, by doing so, helps you to come up with more lines to add.
You did maintain good style throughout except for the second stanza, first line where you start out "I hate to frown.." You could have said something like, "I don't want to frown.." It sounds corny, but it fits with the style, using "I don't" to open the first and third line of each stanza.
Hope this gives you some ideas. :) |
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