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Believe Me When I Say I Want to Die
Contributed by
MG_Akela22090
on
Saturday, 20th May 2006 @ 01:46:13 PM in AEST
Topic:
anguished
|
So there’s no outlet to all my pain, but through my wrists and my veins. Let the blood run red and black because I’m not coming back. And I’m the future; even I can’t find my way…
So lost on the path everyone wanted me to take. Finding somewhere to be and I’m still the mistake. Always wrong for feeling or not feeling enough. Being told I’m wrong, but being told I’m doing the right thing…no one believes me when I tell the truth. And when I lie, they know I’m lying. So here I stand, giving up and I’m still the martyr in the middle of this whole thing.
And I walk a path, alone as always, told I should show more pain. But the pain I feel inside is too great to show its face, because it would just hurt you more to know you were that cause of this pain.
Call me cold and a *****. Call me stupid for wanting not to live. And I would leave this all behind for one moment of peace where I wouldn’t have to fight to love one damn thing!
Told I should choose someone else…even when I know it would never work out. Why can’t we just be friends to the end? Why can’t you just find someone else? I’ll just leave you all crying because I don’t know where I’m going. You set me on a path and tell me it’s where I need to go, but as soon as I start moving, I’m lost somewhere in the snow.
And everyone’s there stoning me as a witch because I believe something different. And my tears are just a lie…when I’m crying you tell me to feel more! What else do I have to give? I’m only fifteen and I already feel my life has been lived. And it’s not going to get better just standing here waiting for me to feel something more than guilty.
If I close my eyes all I see is everything wrong with me. When I look outside I want to cry because I don’t even know how to say the word happy. And all I want is to end all this pain until someone just makes it all okay. I’m sick of fighting for everything I am, because no one believes that THIS IS WHO I AM!
No one believes that I’m being sincere in the fact that I’m telling the truth! I’m the future, but no one will just tell me which way to go!
I’m drowning in my own pathetic life, because I have to fight to even to see the light. And I just feel so alone, everyone telling me to do something more and then everyone is leaving and I have to stay home all alone with all these thoughts. And you wonder why I think of suicide, because I HAVE SO MUCH TO LIVE for, yeah right. I have so much to live for, when everything in my life is falling a part and no one seems to think I need some more time, put me to work and punish me for my crime, because I don’t feel enough or I don’t have enough time for everyone else in my life besides my stupid boyfriend.
And you wonder why I don’t want to live anymore because no one will just believe me when I’m telling the truth.
No one believes me anymore.
What have I done but everything I could? I did this all out of the good out of my heart. I tried so hard to make it right, I took him back and gave everyone a second chance! And no one can just do that for me….No one can just stay here and spend time with me. It’s always someone else…some other friend that’s more important than me.
I gave it all a second chance, but no one believes me. I just want a second chance to make this right again. You wonder why I think of suicide, it’s because no one can give me what I need.
Copyright ©
MG_Akela22090
... [
2006-05-20 13:46:13]
(Date/Time posted on
site)
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Re: Believe Me When I Say I Want to Die
(User Rating: 1 )
by crazy on
Saturday, 20th May 2006 @ 02:35:18 PM AEST
(User
Info | Send
a Message)
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sweet person . iknow how it feels.i just turned 16 may 9th.and everything you have said in your poem is true.i konw because for years no one not even my so called best friend believed me.and when i started cutting again....it felt bad yet good because it felt that i was real not just and image.and being 15 sucks trust me i know.i was and still am all by myself at home/ school where ever i go but you know what no one will ever know that i still want to kill myself..plus if you wait till you get to be a little older it doesnt seem so bad.
and the whole boyfriend thing ...yep been there also.i have his name carved into my arm..i thought he was my everything..and i still love him yes,but i know i need better.but you are a special person no matter what the **** anyone else tells you..the only way i got the way i am right now i stoped depending on others for support..
i understand that it feels like you have no one but you do.not right now but later on in your life.suicide is not the way to go.
forget what others think or do to you .you need no one but yourself.but dont lock out the people who care for you.
i know it seems like no one is there for you but there is.
and when you think of killing your self go do something you injoy doing.
and i know it feels like you have lived your life but sweety youve only just begun.
you writing came from your heart and it is true when ppl say they wish to kill them selves but they normally dont because they have that little bit of light that you still hold on to
i have tryed to kill my self 3 times okand i have been in the mental hospital for cutting so i know when i say it does get better.
i think you should go back and read some of my older poems.and tell me what you think
pm me and ill give you my email
much love jessica aka crazy
Poem edited doe to the use of a banned word. Please star out the whole word. - Moderator_16 |
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