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Innocence Evanescent
Contributed by
somnium
on
Tuesday, 16th May 2006 @ 04:08:22 PM in AEST
Topic:
DarkPoetry
|
Diggin deep
Inside your being
I know there's truth in there somewhere
Beneath the sin
Bloody knife
Septic needle
Broken hymen
Innocence Evanescent
They push
You into the things you say
And every act for another day
To put of Grace in an offhand way
Shivering child
Hearbroken Mother
Father lost
Innocence Evanescent
They cull your type
In thousands every day
You trust their lies and what they say
Pentagle marks
Coldness lies
Anger risen
Demons awake
Innocence Evanescent
So sleep again
To wake on the morrow
To private apocolypse
To you: Same old, same old
Die in sleep
Wake undead
Illusive stranger
Innocence Evanescent
Fake ID
In you every hair
And inch of skin you created
Blood strokes your thigh
Punctured virgin
Sweetest Rape
Coldest Pavement
Innocence Evanescent
Loose yourself
In hardest opiates
It's all that's left
As you grace the driving seat
Red lights
Wall aproaching
Crash, Burn
Innocence Evanescent
Copyright ©
somnium
... [
2006-05-16 16:08:22]
(Date/Time posted on
site)
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Re: Innocence Evanescent
(User Rating: 1 )
by ever1der on
Tuesday, 16th May 2006 @ 05:36:15 PM AEST
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a Message)
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| kind of unusual, and a bit sad I think. |
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Re: Innocence Evanescent
(User Rating: 1 )
by Former_Member on
Tuesday, 16th May 2006 @ 08:30:34 PM AEST
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Approaching this very tentatively, indeed. I like the first verse very much, and the second is powerful in its harshness, and commands attention, but this entire poem could have benefited from:
A: specifying a protagonist
B:Building the theme around that protagonist.
As it stands, much of the impact is lost due to ambiguety, and this type of poetry cannot afford to be ambigous.
The third stanza definitely needs some adjusting with reference to the last two lines. The seventh is very good, although I think these : To wake on the morrow to private apocalypse-to you
or
To wake on the morrow, to private apocalypse, to you
Would have been better alternatives.
You're welcome,
black. |
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