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This Kind Of Hurt
Contributed by
instant_star16
on
Tuesday, 16th May 2006 @ 02:19:38 AM in AEST
Topic:
SecretLove
|
Ive only had this kind of hurt happen once before, Its the kind that takes your breath away and leaves you crying on the floor. You try to ignore it, the warm feeling you get when they make you laugh, you know you cant fight it forever, so every now and then you peek a glance. This kind of hurt makes you really question yourself, you ask if its even worth being put through all the hell. With this kind of hurt another girl is always involved, shes always blonde, always sweet, always good all around. In my case this girl is my best friend, she trys to help but he trys over and over again. In this kind of hurt only one girl can walk away happy, because as long as shes around my heart will remain emtpy. Thats all i got for the nothing I feel like inside, hopefully soon he sees.....hes my angel in disguise.
Copyright ©
instant_star16
... [
2006-05-16 02:19:38]
(Date/Time posted on
site)
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Re: This Kind Of Hurt
(User Rating: 1 )
by Fionndruinne on
Tuesday, 16th May 2006 @ 03:20:07 AM AEST
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a Message)
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The format is too blocky. I'm not sure why you didn't use traditional verses, especially considering this is a rhymed piece. But I don't want to get into rhyme, as my feelings are very mixed. Suffice it to say that there's almost no rhyme that hasn't been made before, these days, so using it is almost doomed unfresh.
But keep writing. Use lines and white space when needed - the way a poem progresses across the page is important. Pick the best words, rather than the most.
Andrew |
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Re: This Kind Of Hurt
(User Rating: 1 )
by Drapes on
Tuesday, 16th May 2006 @ 09:02:16 PM AEST
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Wow. I know my friend would love that. It describes me in a way. But I also see it from your point of view. I'm sure we've all been there... Best wishes.
-Drapes |
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