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LIGHT NIGHT
Contributed by
BEE
on
Tuesday, 16th May 2006 @ 12:09:02 AM in AEST
Topic:
Lifepoems
|
LIGHT
it gides u through life
it takes u day by day
waking u up in the morning
keeping u up all day
running and playing
gettin ur life on
now it is turning
turning the night on
as it falls
the other one rises
night its time to head on in
darkness is running
running on time
now its time
time for bed
goodnight
sleep tight
NIGHT
BY BRANDEN GOODRICH
Copyright ©
BEE
... [
2006-05-16 00:09:02]
(Date/Time posted on
site)
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Re: LIGHT NIGHT
(User Rating: 1 )
by emystar on
Tuesday, 16th May 2006 @ 12:36:39 AM AEST
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a Message)
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Well nite, nite.
good work.
huggs,
emy |
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Re: LIGHT NIGHT
(User Rating: 1 )
by Caged Soul on
Tuesday, 16th May 2006 @ 01:30:44 AM AEST
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a Message)
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great concept, but I thought the structure of the poem was a bit chaotic, and this made it a bit difficult for me to understand what you're sayin'. After a couple of reads, though, it started to make some sence.
Keep on writing
Ash~ |
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Re: LIGHT NIGHT
(User Rating: 1 )
by SensitiveSoAbused on
Tuesday, 16th May 2006 @ 02:51:02 AM AEST
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a Message)
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running and playing
gettin ur life on
now it is turning
turning the night on
I liked that bit. =)
I definitely did not like the abbreviated chat room words, (u, ur, etc)
It's a little more unstructured than I would have liked, not completely polished to a reflective sheen...
(((each dead child coiled, a white serpent))) |
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