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my history
Contributed by
ebooibo
on
Saturday, 13th May 2006 @ 01:22:52 AM in AEST
Topic:
EmotionalPoetry
|
MY HISTORY IS A WALL NO ONE GETS IN NO ONE GETS OUT YOU KNOW WHAT YOU KNOW BUT I WILL NEVER FOLD THE THOUGHT IS BLOOD THAT RUNS THROUGH THE VEIN OF THE VICTIM IT KILLS THE ORGANS AND STOPS THE HEART RHYTHM AND THEN YOU WAKE UP AND WONDER WHY YOU SEE WHAT U SEE TO SEE IS FOR THE WEAK TO PERCEIVE IS TO SEE AND DETERMINE TO DETERMINE IS FOR SUCH WHO THINK THEY KNOW TOO MUCH WHAT YOU KNOW IS WHAT YOU KNOW BUT I WILL NEVER FOLD CUZ THIS IS MY HISTORY THEY CALL ME THE GHOST WALK WITH ME ONE DAY I CAN MAKE YOU UNDERSTAND ME ALITTLE BIT BETTER IF U ONLY WALK WITH ME
Copyright ©
ebooibo
... [
2006-05-13 01:22:52]
(Date/Time posted on
site)
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Re: my history
(User Rating: 1 )
by desireemiote on
Saturday, 13th May 2006 @ 10:23:26 AM AEST
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a Message)
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I really do like this but I believe it would be better expressed if you separated it into shorter lines.
Megan(and her bun in the oven) |
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Re: my history
(User Rating: 1 )
by palebluesun on
Saturday, 13th May 2006 @ 04:46:06 PM AEST
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| I agree with the previous commentor that while this poem is great in it's unrestrained expression,you could play a little with it's form.Sometimes where we choose to have line breaks adds to the emotional power of the poem.You should keep working on it! It is very powerful. |
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