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The Ravers
Contributed by
spike
on
Friday, 5th May 2006 @ 07:01:15 AM in AEST
Topic:
HumorPoetry
|
Once upon a midnight dreary, while I pondered weak and weary,
Over many a quaint and curious volume of forgotten lore,
While I nodded, nearly napping, suddenly there came a tapping,
As of some one gently rapping, rapping at my chamber door.
`'Tis some visitor,' I muttered, `tapping at my chamber door -
Only this, and nothing more.' Edgar Allan Poe The Raven
[First published in 1845]
Once at a midnight party dreary
The halls I wandered drunk and leery,
Hoping to find a place to relieve me
Of the suds I drank of yore
To take a leak and nothing more,
Just like a thousands times before.
Climbing forth a staircase winding,
Constantly I sought reminding
From the wasted and singing brethren
Whom I thought I passed before
'Please point me to the toilet door'
To take a wizz, cause I’m replete,
And add my drops upon the seat
Croaked some dude, 'The second floor!
To the right, the empurpled door!'
That’s all I heard, and nothing more.
And so I pushed on, bladder pressing,
Fearful clothes I would be messing
If I didn’t find the head before the whole thing hit the floor
And in my urgent searching, I found myself a’ lurching,
Lurching to the left, with senses now bereft of the guidance sought of yore
I could have sworn that guy said right, but I’d been fooled before that night-
A couple of times, yeah that’s for sure.
At a point of desperation in my fruitless exploration
I chanced upon a funny rapping,
And what sounded like sporadic clapping
A rap-slap-clapping, behind another door,
'Surely' I thought, 'It’s the TV and nothing more'
Perhaps it's that ghastly Pauly Shore,
Telling jokes and pulling faces
Already done in other places, so many times before-
Some lame stand-up, and nothing more.
But in a state of drunk distraction, I took that fateful action
Pushing the door in just a crack,
And spied a beast there, double-backed
A humping and a groaning on the floor,
It was going to town and sweating ever more
It was the hosts of the party, who though were hale and hearty
Were septuagenarians if a day, their hair a silver grey,
Wrinkled and aging, but clearly still a’ raging
On the ebon-shrouded shag pile of the floor -
Earlier introduced as Edgar and Lenore
Now in the ghostly glow of the TV, and that craven Pauly Shore;
I quietly made my leave and closed the chamber door.
But I took another peek there to be sure. To be sure.
For I muttered, 'No I’m mistaken, that’s no aging consummation
That a shadow from the TV and nothing more'
But there, again in ruckled undress and -my God- a rubber phallus?!
And an open magazine called ’Busty Palace’ shared the floor
And they froze as if in spotlight as I briefly lost my eyesight,
Forever turning me off the act that I adore.
As I stumbled back, with eyes a’ glistening
From that unholy christening,
And a stomach slowly churning and a prostate really burning
I somehow found my way down stairs and flew out the front door
Past all my beery brethren,
And their foul, Stygian smoke den
And the dude who gave directions long before,
A po-faced devil, that’s for sure.
As I was birthed into the morning,
Where a new day was dawning on that
Polished and packaged suburban shore,
I took a slash in the bushes near the neighbour’s house next door
Sighing a sigh of relief not felt since I was young and svelte,
And off the sauce I loudly swore
Just like a thousands times before,
Amen, brother never more, never more.
Copyright ©
spike
... [
2006-05-05 07:01:15]
(Date/Time posted on
site)
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Re: The Ravers
(User Rating: 1 )
by Former_Member on
Friday, 5th May 2006 @ 03:18:10 PM AEST
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a Message)
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This is BRILLIANT!!
Excellent write, I loved every word of it! |
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Re: The Ravers
(User Rating: 1 )
by Former_Member on
Friday, 5th May 2006 @ 05:34:13 PM AEST
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Hey Spike, Poe would be peed uh proud. I too enjoyed every word o' detail in this (ain't said this since last I commented on your work) SUPERB piece o' Poe-like poetry. Your tops, mate. (still practicin')
wabl
KenMoore
cowboy |
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Re: The Ravers
(User Rating: 1 )
by Jenni_K on
Friday, 5th May 2006 @ 06:57:41 PM AEST
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a Message)
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| LMAO!! Unbelievable!!! |
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Re: The Ravers
(User Rating: 1 )
by brew on
Friday, 5th May 2006 @ 09:36:04 PM AEST
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UMMMMMMMMMMMMM............WOW Spike.........You have such inner to tell what is happening.........Wished i could be sooooo, descripitive..........Im more less, shy, and wont "scream"...........Just Marvelous.........
Hugs Brew~ |
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Re: The Ravers
(User Rating: 1 )
by thumper on
Saturday, 6th May 2006 @ 12:46:18 AM AEST
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Well, here's a twist on Poe I never thought I'd read (and enjoy). Got a big 'ol grin on my face. I'll never read Poe again the same way. LOL
Write on, Spike, write on. This was great.
Peace,
Thumper ;o) |
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Re: The Ravers
(User Rating: 1 )
by Man_On_High on
Wednesday, 10th May 2006 @ 07:26:19 PM AEST
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HILARIOUS!
B |
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Re: The Ravers
(User Rating: 1 )
by Former_Member on
Thursday, 11th May 2006 @ 11:51:56 AM AEST
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I s*** you not I recently read Poes the Raven and had this mad idea to do a parody of it!
I swear to God!
But you my friend have beat me to it and done a better job than I could have done in a 100 lifetimes.
This is bloody amazing. (Git!!
This is by far the best piece of poetry I've read on here for a long, long time.
J. |
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Re: The Ravers
(User Rating: 1 )
by Former_Member on
Friday, 12th May 2006 @ 12:41:00 PM AEST
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Heeheehee...very good and very funny. Thank you. I needed a laugh.
"ghastly Pauly Shore now there's a scary thought.
Thanks,
Tim |
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Re: The Ravers
(User Rating: 1 )
by Former_Member on
Friday, 12th May 2006 @ 10:06:47 PM AEST
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Holy heck, Spike, this is bloody brilliant, you clever little POEet!!!!!
Oh my, this did give me one a huge smile. (I think I may even
have chuckled). What a wicked poet you are . . .
hehehe
*loves this*
~Breezy |
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Re: The Ravers
(User Rating: 1 )
by Silent-No-More on
Saturday, 13th May 2006 @ 07:46:39 PM AEST
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"Be prepared." you said at the front of this piece. Oh, come on -- did you seriously think that we could somehow prepare ourselves for this???? lol
Wickedly amusing, Spike. (And... I have to confess, the mental image of you laying down this piece is just as entertaining!!! *smirks*)
~Snem |
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Re: The Ravers
(User Rating: 1 )
by ButchHoward on
Tuesday, 23rd May 2006 @ 08:56:21 AM AEST
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ROFLMAO - BRILLIANT! THANK YOU FOR THE TEARS OF LAUGHTER.
Butch
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