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Let Me Be
Contributed by
britanna_rose
on
Sunday, 30th April 2006 @ 11:07:29 PM in AEST
Topic:
DarkPoetry
|
Lead me back to darkness.
Give me back my pain.
Bring me back the madness
before I become sane.
You tell me what I need to hear
and whisper sweetly in my ear.
You wipe away my every tear
until I have no fears.
This is not the life I want.
Let my feelings hide.
Stop trying to make me well again.
I need the pain inside.
Leave the tears on my face.
Let me be a hollow shell.
For I'd rather feel nothing at all
than live in your beautiful hell.
-Britanna Rose-
Copyright ©
britanna_rose
... [
2006-04-30 23:07:29]
(Date/Time posted on
site)
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Re: Let Me Be
(User Rating: 1 )
by chaos78 on
Sunday, 30th April 2006 @ 11:12:05 PM AEST
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a Message)
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| i like how u want the pain back when evevyone else want it to leave good write |
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Re: Let Me Be
(User Rating: 1 )
by tin on
Sunday, 30th April 2006 @ 11:16:54 PM AEST
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a Message)
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| I honestly don't know what to say... i love this poem. you've managed to put into words the exact feeling that i've tried and failed to describe so many times. thank you |
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Re: Let Me Be
(User Rating: 1 )
by Jackee_line on
Monday, 1st May 2006 @ 05:26:16 AM AEST
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a Message)
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| Beautifully written, well done. |
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Re: Let Me Be
(User Rating: 1 )
by joydeep_nath on
Monday, 1st May 2006 @ 10:00:32 AM AEST
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a Message)
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| hi...wonderfully written simple ,elegant...despite being ameteurish...u have potential poet... |
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Re: Let Me Be
(User Rating: 1 )
by redtears on
Monday, 1st May 2006 @ 09:28:35 PM AEST
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a Message)
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| this is wonderful! amazing! wow! |
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Re: Let Me Be
(User Rating: 1 )
by meef on
Thursday, 1st June 2006 @ 04:34:16 AM AEST
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a Message)
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| Good job. This is a Great write! |
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Re: Let Me Be
(User Rating: 1 )
by thexshattered on
Saturday, 10th March 2007 @ 08:55:19 AM AEST
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a Message)
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The poem as a whole was pretty good. The rhythm kind of went off at the line "until I have no fears." though. It lacks a syllable or two. And maybe you could change "fears" into its singular ("fear") to polish up the rhyming. You'd have to change the whole line, though, instead of just adding a few syllables, but I'd imagine it'd sound better.
Anyway, it's up to you. I'm just trying out constructive criticism... :) |
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