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dont...

Contributed by chanceof_promise on Saturday, 29th April 2006 @ 08:50:33 PM in AEST
Topic: oops

..dont tell me you still care about me
its not the truth
..dont tell me you still love me
its just a lie..

Copyright © chanceof_promise ... [ 2006-04-29 20:50:33]
(Date/Time posted on site)

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Re: dont... (User Rating: 1 )
by Essentially9 on Saturday, 29th April 2006 @ 09:08:01 PM AEST
(User Info | Send a Message)

this missed the mark of being powerful with few words, so expanding it would make it more powerful. i dont think this poem is worth posting. this has no personal touches. the only thing i know you can do poetry wise is getting italics and bold on ypdc formats. i dont see grammar well used at all. so if you ever try to be a good poet, remember....every poem seen can make you or break you, and this breaks you. for an original touch to this, for an ending, you can have "Don't tell me you still love me. It's just a lie....That you try to believe." that way its sort of original and creative. expands this a bit more. but i think this needs at least 2 more stanzas.

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