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The title of this poem is too big to fit in this space
Contributed by
asthenia
on
Wednesday, 26th April 2006 @ 09:18:10 PM in AEST
Topic:
oops
|
"I Wish This Was Some Happy Hollywood T.V. Show Where Everything Is Scripted So That Way I Would Know I Would Get a Perfect Ending"
I'm falling hopelessly
Falling down into this crater endlessly
And I'm scared that this isn't meant to be
That this just isn't meant for me
'Cause you're so beautiful
while I'm just dull
Everyone knows that I'm predictable
All I want is some time with you
But I never, never knew
That it would be so hard to do
All I want is some time with you
And I'm scared I'm gonna fade into the past
That I'll just be a stranger when you're looking back
And I don't want that
I don't wanna be some guy who didn't last
'Cause you are so alive
Just like a butterfly
I wish I could find the perfect rhyme
'Cause all I want is some time with you
But I never, never knew
That it would be so hard to do
All I want is some time with you
And I have it worse
I'm the only one who can't converse
'Cause all the thoughts in me disperse
When ever I am close to you
And no matter how I pursue
in trying to tell you all the truth
I can never ever follow through
And I'm always looking for a sign
But that is something I can never find
I just want something to tell me that I'm fine
All I want is some time with you
But I never, never knew
That it would be so hard to do
All I want is some time with you
Copyright ©
asthenia
... [
2006-04-26 21:18:10]
(Date/Time posted on
site)
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Re: The title of this poem is too big to fit in this space
(User Rating: 1 )
by bananasmoothie on
Thursday, 27th April 2006 @ 01:17:25 AM AEST
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Info | Send
a Message)
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Perhaps try this:
"I Wish This Was Some Happy Hollywood T.V. Show Where Everything Is Scripted So I Would Know I Would Get a Perfect Ending"
or shorten it even more, at this part:
"I'd Get a Perfect Ending"
Just a suggestion. Your title IS too long for the title bar provided here, but that's not why i was suggesting; i felt, while it could totally be long, it is your piece, it was a bit wordy, even for what you were trying to do.
But again, it is your piece entirely, and you can choose to take my suggestion, or beat me to a texty pulp for even, well, suggesting that you are not supreme god/goddess of everything. i dont care either way. |
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Re: The title of this poem is too big to fit in this space
(User Rating: 1 )
by xPixiexDustx on
Thursday, 27th April 2006 @ 05:42:50 PM AEST
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Info | Send
a Message)
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| I like this alot, nice job. |
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