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Altered Existence
Contributed by
John_Dawson
on
Friday, 21st April 2006 @ 11:35:18 PM in AEST
Topic:
oops
|
Sit down and relax
Clear your mind
Your troubles today
Are left behind
Take a deep breath
And hold it a minute
And as you release
You'll find you're within it
It comes in peace
A breathren of sorts
This altered existence
Just running it's course
A place that is void
Of hurt and addiction
Where truth is
Your solitary conviction
Your deepest and darkest
Desires and secrets
Spectacular strengths
And alien weakness
The Glory of Heaven
In all It's creation
Your hunger for lust
Eternal Damnation
Copyright ©
John_Dawson
... [
2006-04-21 23:35:18]
(Date/Time posted on
site)
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Re: Altered Existence
(User Rating: 1 )
by Jenni_K on
Saturday, 22nd April 2006 @ 12:17:16 AM AEST
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a Message)
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Interesting poem, with quite a smooth flow.
Jenni |
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Re: Altered Existence
(User Rating: 1 )
by Man_On_High on
Saturday, 22nd April 2006 @ 12:38:19 AM AEST
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nice flow..
the simplicity does not induce the idealism..
*I thought as I read..*
...very well conceived-
welcome to YPDC-
I look forward to reading more of your work.
B |
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Re: Altered Existence
(User Rating: 1 )
by Silent-No-More on
Saturday, 22nd April 2006 @ 01:00:29 AM AEST
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Welcome to YPDC, John!
This is an interesting first post. For some odd reason, it reads almost like to separate poems to me... perhaps because when I hit the italicized lines, I couldn't help but thinking that they would be good end lines.
I'll echo the others as well... there is a easy, natural flow to this piece. Nicely done.
~Snemmy |
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Re: Altered Existence
(User Rating: 1 )
by Keilantra on
Sunday, 23rd April 2006 @ 12:01:53 AM AEST
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| im liking this alot, and the idea of a altered existance. keep up the writing, i like your flow. |
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Re: Altered Existence
(User Rating: 1 )
by Former_Member on
Saturday, 29th April 2006 @ 09:15:11 AM AEST
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i really enjoyed this poem...especially the straightforwardness...look forward to reading more of your work!
pen |
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