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The Cadence Of Disaster
Contributed by
crimson_regret420
on
Friday, 21st April 2006 @ 08:40:29 PM in AEST
Topic:
abstract
|
And through the misty solemness
The incandescent scales of misery shone.
An armor like no other.
Lasting to the enflamed edges
Of infinity.
She told of ancient tragedies
This misery of mine
And loved the darkness
Sweet and fleeting
More than should be loved of anything.
The scars were carved upon her face
And tore at the earth on which she stood.
Her tears
Were magnificent ruby red.
Such forlorn stains she left
There upon the wood.
Her elegantly pale feet crackled
Over the dead twigs of splendor
As she spread her aged and yellowed wings.
When asked where she was going
It was to find eternity.
Then with her face turned towards the blistering sky,
Aubergine eyes screaming,
She opened her mouth as a whisper crawled out
She said,
"This flame is beautifully contagious."
And among the wildfire of suffocated dreams
She burned.
Copyright ©
crimson_regret420
... [
2006-04-21 20:40:29]
(Date/Time posted on
site)
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Re: The Cadence Of Disaster
(User Rating: 1 )
by Silent-No-More on
Friday, 21st April 2006 @ 08:53:56 PM AEST
(User
Info | Send
a Message)
|
Well, I like it too. : )
I think it could be smoothed out a little bit in terms of flow, but it definitely holds one's attention. If you don't generally do so, I would encourage you to read it aloud after you've finished putting it on the page (or, even, ask someone else to read it)... sometimes it just helps to hear it in order to find the few places that it might need to be smoothed out a bit. And no, I'm not suggesting that a lot is needed here... but maybe yeh, just a word substitution here and there, or a reorganizing of a line.
I did enjoy this and am very glad I popped in for a read. Your expression is lovely... it's rather ethereal, I thought.
Well done,
~Snemmy |
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Re: The Cadence Of Disaster
(User Rating: 1 )
by sensible_paper on
Friday, 2nd November 2007 @ 04:10:53 PM AEST
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a Message)
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flow is not a part of poetry and you showed that within your poem. You showed how to be creatively strong with your words.
I believe that it is an excellent piece of work but I believe that it could be stronger |
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Re: The Cadence Of Disaster
(User Rating: 1 )
by Former_Member on
Saturday, 3rd November 2007 @ 07:31:24 AM AEST
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a Message)
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| Loved this poem. good work! |
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Re: The Cadence Of Disaster
(User Rating: 1 )
by gribbs on
Friday, 16th November 2007 @ 02:05:58 AM AEST
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a Message)
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| very nice...very creative...to be able to visualize like this, is just tapping the surface of your imagination... |
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